Life Definitions: January 2012

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The ways He moves.

For a long time I've felt a silence. God had just not provided the leading voice I thought I so desperately needed. I felt rather neglected and so extremely at a loss of purpose. Whenever it came to a decision about my life it would always come down to a a fight between needing to make a deccision and wanting to wait for God's leading. I rather lost hope in hearing from the Lord. It seemed as if it had been SO long! I struggled with a constant depression, a constant weight on my heart. I felt as if someone had filled a blanket with bricks and wraped it around me and I knew that Jesus was the only one able to take it off, but he just wouldn't listen to me long enough to see the blanket. I knew he heard me, but he was just so UN-evident. If I'm being completely honest, I just gave up the hope that God cared enough for me to care about my life. I still was trying to live according to the Holy Spirit's convictions on my life, I was still praying and spending time in the word (though not as much). I just came to expect that these were mundane, boring, meaningless motions I was to go through every day to please God, all the while never even hoping to get something from Him in return. I didn't really care anymore.

Lately, I've been going to a bible study. Every Thursday night I go to a biggby and discuss the word of God with around 6 other girls, who all love Jesus very much. I was able to converse and interpret the word and feel convictions. I wasn't "Godless" only without the leadership or input the Lord provides. As a group we decided to do a 21 day fast. We took a week and prayed about what the Lord would like to have us remove from our lives for a while. It was really hard for me to figure out what I should fast from. Eventually I decided that I could fast from Movies. I spend allot of time just watching movies while studying, talking on the phone, etc. A BIG time waster.

May I just tell you how AWESOME our God is?! Two days after the fast had begun, I lost my phone. I was so beyond frustrated and I was VERY ready to just be mad. I went home, scanned craigslist and found a phone that seemed acceptable. The very next day I was able to purchase a hardly used smart phone for a very affordable price. Then, Monday, only 4 days after the fast had begun God provided me with a car. An extremely affordable car that (God willing) will last me many years. God is revealing himself anew to me. It's not only these events that have given me hope, they are only a piece of the puzzle. Most certainly the Lord has reminded me that I am not forgotten. He is awesome and He is good.

I've had an itch lately, to do something, go somewhere... I don't even know. It's an unbearable itch that I just want to scratch but can't. God has the back scratcher. For now, he's given me some soothing lotion, but I know he's going to wait until I literally cannot take the itch anymore, then he shall scratch it for me. :) I have many tenative plans for this summer. I'm just throwing myself through every open door with the faith that God will slam quite a few of them in my face. I need the contentment and the humility to accept those "no" responses.

On Febuary 9th, I am starting a 40 day juice fast. It will be very difficult, but I feel that the Lord has led me to it and that His strength alone will give me the joy and strength to make it through. I will be attentatively waiting for the Lord's direction. I will pray for the things he lays on my heart, I will spend as much time with him as I can and just soak him up! It's been a long time since I have purposefully focused on my own growth and relationship with God. I'm generally rather focused on everything that's happening outside of myself.

I'm so excited to see where all the Lord is going to change me and where he will lead me. I'm so happy to be a servant of the Most High! It is only He who moves among us whom I can entrust with my life and all it's dysfunctions, misdirections and hopes. Our God leads, directs, loves, cares, bears, takes, gives, makes, ruins and fathers. I'm excited to see what He'll reveal himself to me as next. :)

With high hopes and desperation,
-Jackie

Friday, January 20, 2012

Niftyness

I am so excited. For the past year or so I've been falling more and more in like with skinny jeans (yes, I said Like instead of Love, get over it!). I had a few pair and wanted to more. But any jeans that withstand some normal wear and tear are stinking expensive! I personally am not ready to spend $100 on two pairs of jeans.

So, a friend turned me on to this blog post ( http://whollykao.com/2011/11/07/diy-skinny-jeans/ ). Wholly Kao is a fantastic crafting site to check out, if that's something you're into... but anyways. I had several pairs of old jeans that still fit well in the waist and hips but just didn't cut muster for me to wear in public (ever, ever again). So, I looked up some video tutorials on the subject, read a couple different blogs and went for it. I am extremely happy with the outcome too! I don't currently have pictures to post, but I'll take some pictures during my next pair I modify. It's such a cheap way to bulk my jeans closet!

I've been in an extremely crafty mood lately. Crocheting, knitting, modifying jeans, I want to make a pair of sweater boots next. If any of you have any chic, fun crafts you've wanted to try or have done let me know! Comment with a link or description. I'm feeling niftily adventurous!

Sincerely lacking a sense of creative purpose,

-Jackie

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

School, school, school...

So, if you know me at all you've probably caught on to the fact that school isn't really my best subject. Though I try, and I do mean try, things tend to make it harder for me. I'm learning to cope and looking for possible helps and solutions... but under any circumstances being expected to pay attention for 7 hours a day while struggling with ADD and Dyslexia isn't the easiest thing. Now, this is not me complaining... this is me wishing I had more control over my brain. But I don't. Life moves on.

This semester I REALLY need to pass my classes. I'm taking a vocal performance class, Piano class, Art History and Psychology. Those are subjects I am relatively capable of handling. However, I am aware that I will only pass with the grace of God. It's really hard for me to stay tuned in class and even harder to study at home (there is just no driving motivation).

I've just changed my major from music performance to Sociology. Social work, who knew? Okay, okay. Apparently allot of people knew before me, but that doesn't mean I was ready to come to terms with it until now. Anyhow, i'm learning that in order to receive the best from school, I need to give my best to... GOD. Ha, I caught you. You thought I was going to say "Give my best to my studies!" Nope, that is not what is required. God is the one who DOES have control over my mind, he does have the ability to grant me grace and the ability to remember more than I usually do. So, here's to giving God my best and not hoping, but having faith that I can do this.

In the mean time, I picked up some school supplies. Again, sometimes the "creativity" (if that's what you will kindly call it) in my brain... puzzles me.

Some graph paper to take notes in my Psychology class,

^Music Staff notebook for my experiments in Piano,^

A sketch book to take notes for Art History,

Colored pens and markers to take all my notes with,

A calendar, hoping that i'll actually remember important dates,

A 1/4 In. headphone jack for Piano,

and finally, a hair product that will make last minute "Gypsy" mornings a whole lot easier.

Yeah, that's all for now.

Have a great evening,

Sincerely stressing out,

-Jackie

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Thrifted Curiosity: 1

So, after allot of youtube watching and blog reading I have been feeling quite inspired to go thrifting lately. Allot of people act like it's some sort of "hush-hush" subject, just because it's used clothes. I truly am indifferent. They're used, yes. But you wash them, dingbats! I just don't understand this supposed big taboo about the thrifting. It's cheap, it works, get over it.

With many local options (such as Goodwill, Volunteers of America, World Mission Thrift, St. Vincent DePaul and Hidden Treasures) I had quite the selection of places I wanted to go. I had made up my mind to take a bit of money out of my bank and see if I could make some good investments on clothing and accessories. I've heard that thrift shopping is the best way to find affordable vintage items, and THAT I was willing to work for.

Wednesday was my first excursion. I was able to attain 3 good cardigans, a new black jacket and 2 pairs of awesome earrings for under $13 (Rounding off to around $2 per item). Which, I consider to be a pretty good investment, if you ask me.

Today (Saturday) I went again with a friend and was able to find 4 t-shirts, a change purse, a clutch and a (fake) pearl necklace that was the perfect length for me. I'll be sure to post the pictures of the items I got today below. I got all 7 items for exactly $16 today, rounding out to just over $2 per item. Again, I would call that a good deal.

I will say that although goodwill is more expensive, I do like the fact that they have more fitting rooms and that they organize their stuff by size (which... is relative in thrift stores). Though, I like that Volunteers of America picks 2 tag colors weekly and sets a certain percentage discount to each color. Makes finding deals a whole lot more exciting.

So, that's all I have for now. Hopefully as time goes on I'll get some more interesting posts about FANTASTIC finds (that I'm hoping for). Pictures are below.... The one item I bought today that is not shown is just a plain white v-neck t-shirt.