Has your heart ever felt void before, simply because the home of a memory is no longer yours? The home of so many laughs and dances now filled with a harsh nothingness. 800 seats staring back have me in trances. Is my heart still beating? I fear it’s not. The only movements of life are the aches in these aftershocks of what yesterday was. Once receiving warmth and joy, now I must pay. Something is drawn from me, the energy, the light in me, it dissipates. Why can’t these outrageous spot lights melt the pain, fill the nothingness or illuminate a new start? Saying goodbye to home, thrusts a spike through my heart.
Have you ever watched a friend fall apart as they say goodbye to their home? Aching ever so deeply as the one, who only hours ago, wiped your tears away and told no one of it, cries, Tears for saying goodbye, good memories and hopes and fears. Hope that this isn’t the end, the fear that it very well may be. Never have I wanted to martyr myself more for his pain, I wish there were something I could do.
Everything has ended and I’m a wreck, falling apart because these pictures of pain aren’t leaving me alone. The sound of nothingness haunts me, I’m missing the soft breezes of whispers and laughter. Realizing that it’s over, it’s really over has been a bullet through my heart.
I don’t know what else to say, for fear of being too open. The only place that knows every thought I had is that corner, of that stage, under spotlights.
God, put my heart to rest. Reassure me and those who fear it may be, that it’s not the end. That home, is always, forever will be home. Guide those of us who feel lost without it, find the stage again in whichever way you want us to learn most from it. I’ve been stretched, pushed, pulled and mangled… but I’ve learned allot about you Lord, and allot about the people you have put into my life. God, use me again, in whichever way you want – please let it be near the stage!
|| Jackie Poole.
YES!
ReplyDeleteIt's the beginning again, I promise. This day (week, month, year...) is going to be tough for me, but I have the reassurance of friends like you who are going to get me through it.
Yesterday and all of last week feels like a dream now. Almost like a mist. But here we are. It's like someone clicked the fast forward button and now we're left with the hazy images of what's past by so unbearably quickly.
God is my strength! And He shall get me through today! Rely on Him, Jackie. :)
I'll be here to talk as well.