Spiritual Bulimia!

I have Bulimia, and it is bad. I am completley serious too, Although I do not purge on food and then regurgetate it I still have bulimia only... a different kind. I have Spiritual Bulimia! I have been reading a book called "Irresistable Revolution" and he mentions "Spiritual Bulimia" in passing, I havn't gotten very far into the book, so I don't even know if he goes further into it. But with his breif explanation I was able to identify myself as a bulimic! I classifiy Spritual Bulimia as: Taking in as much spiritual content as possible like Devo's, t-shirts, music, teachings and bible but taking in TO MUCH and not taking time to digest it. Not thinking about or meditating on the meanings or purpose of each element we are adding into our lives. Then at our next chance at fellowship we regurgitate it all back up to our sundayschool teachers, friends, leaders, parents and anyone who will listen to a spiritual conversation. You don't understand it neccasarily, but you are able to spit out the answer anytime you are asked. I did not realize I was bulimic... but latley even though I have continued to discipline myself in my relationship with God I am realizing that in some cases I do not take time to digest it's meaning. I read God's word, but I quickly move on with my day and rarely look back. It's not about having the answers, it's about learning who God is and what that means to me! Who is God to me?! I know he is my Healer as he has demonstrated to me freely in the past...but why do I know he is my healer? Because I took time to digest what was going on around me as he put back together the broken peices of my life. I need to start paying more attention, take some down time to relax and digest in a day! I want Passion and Intimate Love with Jesus ALWAYS, but I can't have it unless I am comprehending the miraculous and awe-inspiring things that my Christ is teaching me on a daily basis! I'm not going to even ask if you think you've got Bulimia, but if you do...your not allone. I don't take the time either. The Lord Bless you and encase you in His strong and loving arms! Lord, help me to digest the things you teach me. Help me to claim the blessings you give and live passionately in knowledge that you are the ultimate forgiver, thank you for waiting for me to wake up and eat the "Meat" you have presented to me. I love you, Amen!

The Lord speaks to me, even when I don't think I'm in a place to hear him. Lately God has been talking to me about what I have in my life. Things, that aren't necessarily "Bad" but they don't bring him glory either. Music, movies, actions and friendships. I want to set myself aside for the Lord, to be one of his tools and to live life solely for his purposes. I don't care if people say I'm crazy, or if they exile me because I won't watch a bad movie with them. Set-aparted-ness, that is what I long for. I will be honest, it's scary stepping out into the dark blessing the name of the Lord and trusting his guidance. It's not pleasureful to have people stop talking to you because your a "Jesus person!" However, I will take the labels, the names, and the scary first step. I want them, I'll grow and become a woman that the Lord is proud to call a daughter. Lord, help me set aside my life to glorify you and achieve only what you want me to achieve. Help me eliminate the things in my life that aren't what you want for me. I want to be part of the generation of youth rising up to bring you fame. Help me God to become closer to the person you would have me be, and less like the person that the world wants. God you are amazing. You romance me, and you tell me about how much you want to do with this world...and frankly, I want to see it all happen! I praise you for everything you have blessed me with, help me to appreciate it more than I do now. Thank you for the gift of freedom. I love you Lord, ~Jackie P.~

But I don't want to grow up!

Maturity is a choice! I have had a difficult time learning this, and I am still having trouble fulling grasping this. However, I am able to see this statement's truth. I can choose to become a more responsible and whole person, it is not all up to fate and "Growing up!" I am able to see that taking responsibility in my communications with people, and making more of an effort will most certainly be profitable. I am not saying "God has no control, I have it all!" I most certainly do not want to make that statement, but I do want to be able to say that a gave an effort and that I gave it my all! I am still in the balance of trying to figure out, what is simply my personality (Randomness and spontanious actions) and what is unneccasary child-like behavior. Being imature, in most cases (but not all) is not pleasing to the Lord. At least that is the case I see in my life, where I am being immature I am being selfish and rude! Things can change though, and thank God that change is a possibility! ~Jackie~ Dear Lord, You are Holy, and I thank you that you even thought to love me! Things will change and I think that sucks most times, but thank you for your willingness to deal with my immaturity and selfishness! You are the most High King, and I thank you for all you are to me! Amen!

The puddle isn't always deep!

Right now I am cursed with Michigan's never ending cycle of "the common Cold" it's only common because everyone gets it ALL THE TIME! Who knows, if it didn't spread faster than rabbits can procreate maybe it would be quite an atrocity! No matter what it could be, I sit here with tissues in hand, and a head full of dead end thoughts. So forgive me if this makes no sense. Life seems to catch me by suprise, almost all the time. It seems as if it were just minutes ago that I gained such amazing friends, and now... in a 9 days they graduate. Although I have put on the obviously sarcastic fissad of "YOUR LEAVING ME BEHIND IN LIFE" that is not how I feel. I may tease and poke and prod just to annoy my friend to no end, but I am glad they have this opportunity, NOW in this stage if their lives. If you would have asked me 2 months ago, I may have not answered because I was mad about it. The truth is I didn't want to be left behind, and I didn't want to be here, in this... allone. You see, I tend to judge my problems like one may judge a puddle. When you are about to walk through a rain puddle you may think or say alloud "That's gonna be just to the edge of my shoe, or up to my ankles" I judged my problems as "My life is going to fall apart" when another choice I had was "This is is God's hands" I have learned that I always judge the puddle as to deep, far, far to deep. I freak out and prepare myself to swim across the "Ocean" when in reality, me feet are barely wet, and my bare wet feet are cared for by the creator of all. I have learned that the puddle isn't always deep!

My greetings to the blogging world!

Hello every one, This is my first post on blogger. So I just thought I would give a nice hello and get off, believe me more is comming down the road, but for now. Hello, and goodbye ~Jackie~