Friday's Word: Foundation.

foun-da-tion 
noun
  1. the lowest load-bearing part of a building, typically below ground level. 
  2. an underlying basis or principle for something.


     This week I've been learning allot about foundations. Being given the release to pursue a whole new ministry, under the umbrella of YWAM Las Vegas leaves allot of blank space to explore. Pioneering, at this stage, is difficult and it seems like not much is happening. I don't know allot about starting a ministry or how to execute a business plan to complete tasks like this. The one thing I DO know is that foundations, roots, are EVERYTHING. A firm, solid, trusted foundation is the basis for all building plans and roots are one of the most important parts of a tree. So, I'm determined to build a solid foundation. Perhaps I shall never see the fullness of this ministry I am beginning, perhaps I will never see it birthed into the world and grow. But I am pouring my blood, sweat and tears into building a foundation that will stand the test of time. I'm meeting with organizations, ministries and individuals to learn everything I possibly can about my field. Studying legislation, the details of the local law, studying the permit processes, learning victim care, community center management, etc. Sometimes, it's discouraging to be working so hard, for what seems like such a small outcome. As one of my co-workers said it, "It's a massive construction site with lots of cones and slow traffic. And from the outside, it seems like nothing is being accomplished, but everything is changing!" Luckily, I have partners, supporters, co-workers, friends and family who believe in me. Who listen to me cry about how God is good and point me in the right direction when I'm frustrated. I have a base director who's FANTASTIC at pioneering ministries and is teaching me along the way. My heart has hope.

     And when I give into the temptation of negativity, I  look up from my desk and this art is hung on the wall right out my window. It reminds me, the roots and foundation are the life-blood and strength of everything that lives, breathes and grows.

    It's worth it. These girls in this city are worth it. The spreading of the gospel is worth it. Every last moment of confusion or frustration or discouragement is worth it. The. End. 

Friday's Word : Adjustment

ad-just-ent 

noun

  - a small alteration or movement made to achieve a desired fit,

    appearance, or result. 

  - the process of adapting or becoming used to a new situation. 

     This has been a week-ish of many adjustments. Last week I moved to Las Vegas, road tripping across America with one of my best friends and now that she has returned to  In the meanwhile, I've moved in with some friends, here in Las Vegas, for the next few months. I started work this past Monday (June 1st)... Now here we are, it's Friday! I've been settling in and re-adjusting to life in Vegas, living in an apartment and now - actually having more capability and time to pour into the foundation of a new anti-trafficking ministry, through YWAM Las Vegas. As it is the time of year where our DTS' (Discipleship Training Schools) return from their international outreaches and debrief, I've dedicated a chunk of my time to helping prepare the base for their re-entry. It's a little weird being back in Vegas, working with YWAM. Almost like I'm starting over again. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though. I get to take my time and build a really strong understanding and firm foundation for ministry to exploited women in Vegas. I'm not quite sure how to wrap this up, but I'm encouraged and ready for whatever comes my way. I feel much like a race horse at the starting gate, just waiting for the moment I get to run, even just one step, closer to the dreams and visions God has placed on my heart. 

May grace and justice burn in you, 

Jackie 

The Long Awaited News.

Alright, you poor neglected blog. It's time we slap some information on the world wide interwebs for information sake, eh? Yeah. It's time. My last post was about "leaving soon" ... HA. Funny how I thought I had things figured out. As if the timing of me returning to Vegas is remotely under my control. Nope. It's kinda Jesus' choice. I'm cool with that though, ya know? haha.

So, after a few more months of waiting and praying and waiting and trying and waiting and fasting and working, I've finally come to a nice little clearing where I can make a final call. I've finally raised enough to support move back, and while I can't quite afford to live in my own place yet, I have plenty to live on the ministry base without having to fight to make ends meet. And I've decided when I'm leaving MI and hitting the road for YWAM Las Vegas.

MAY 26th!

 I have 27 days until I'm hitting the road. In the next 27 days I've got allot to do. I'm working, camping, printing support letters and sending them out, hanging out with friends for the "last time", selling my old car, getting a new one, packing up all of my stuff and heading straight for the road.

I'm BEYOND excited to head back to the city I love.

I'm thrilled that in only a month I'll be back with my ministry family, my church family and the general greatness that is my community in Las Vegas, all of whom I've missed dearly.

Even though I've been working my butt off while I've been here in MI, the Lord has been totally faithful to restore my soul, to give me rest, to restore vision and passion. It's been a struggle to see Him sometimes, it's been a fight to keep my eyes on Him... but the struggle has been worth it.

I'm ecstatic that I'm going to go back to the streets of Vegas, where I'll be able to minister in many ways with YWAM Las Vegas. I long to sit on the streets with women and hug them, talk with them, love them. A MONTH! Just a month.

There's honestly not a TON to say right now. I'm just excited.

If you would like any information on how to support me, you can contact me via e-mail at jackiejoypoole@gmail.com or on Facebook. And if you'd like a prayer card, just send me your address and let me know, and I can pop one in the mail for you!!

- Jackie Poole 

I'm on my way,

Hello Friends, 

It's time for another update. Don't you think? 

So, it's almost the end of January. Where have the last 3 months gone?! It feels like I've been here in Michigan FOREVER. While I've been home, I've been working 2 jobs and I'm just now adding a few more hours a week cleaning an office and doing henna for donations. It's been nice being able to work so much, I can totally see how the Lord has been working in my favor in the job arena. I get a fair number of hours a week and, if nothing else, I get to feel productive while I'm here waiting for the Lord to say "Return!" 

My heart. My passion... is Las Vegas! 

It is my hope to make Las Vegas home base for me. To settle into an apartment (with 2 roommates, who are awaiting my return), to re-settle back into church and find my place in the community in Las Vegas. Really taking time to invest in my city through more than just my ministry with YWAM, but investing in other ways. In friendships, churches, volunteering, etc. Las Vegas is a city that many grimace at the thought of, but somehow this city has absolutely captured my heart and God's glory dazzles me there daily. It is a city I can see myself in and hope to be in, for several years to come! 

It is my hope, my dream, my passion - to secure a steady, growing ministry that will fight human trafficking arm in arm with other local organizations and government entities. I dream of a safe house some day or something of the sorts. I truly believe that Las Vegas can be the catalyst, the example to follow for the nation in fighting human trafficking. I believe that we I can see an end to modern day slavery in my lifetime and I have committed myself to following God in fighting for justice for the voiceless until he tells me to stop. 

As of right now, I'm hoping to return to Las Vegas in the end of February - early March. The second week of March I am registered to attend a national YWAM Cities conference/think tank/meeting focused on anti-human trafficking. This conference is hosted in southern California, just 4 hours from Vegas, and will be a perfect kick-start to a new season of growing an anti-trafficking ministry within YWAM Las Vegas.

 

As you most likely know, I have procured $4,000 of debt through leading a team to India and Nepal for 2 months and due to a lack of support. Out of my $4,000 debt, I have been able to save up just over $1,000 and I hope that through working allot and the blessing of the Lord that I am able to pay off the other $3,000 and still have some left over by the end of next month. 

 

I'm not going to even be shy. :) 

I have financial great need, and I am asking you to prayerfully consider partnering with my passions and dreams through a one time donation or through a monthly commitment. I plan to work as hard as possible to pay off as much debt as I can and I also intend to move out of staff housing and into an apartment with 2 friends. While it is the more expensive option, it is the safest and the wisest for me while living in Las Vegas. This brings my monthly support needs from the base of $400 a month to approximately $800 a month.

I would greatly appreciate your help in finishing the payment of my debt and/or monthly support to help me get settled into Las Vegas as home! Your support means that I can do full time ministry in Las Vegas as I know the Lord has called me to do. Your donations help me get closer to returning to the fight against modern day slavery in Vegas.

I also greatly desire your continued prayers for wisdom, guidance, finances and a fixed vehicle. 

I thank you in advance, without you who pray and support I would not be where I am now! I would not have been able to experience that which I have already and I would not have this growing dream and fire within me to see the end of slavery in the world. Thank you for being a part of that. Thank you for following my stories, for sending prayers and for supporting me financially. It's been a ridiculous blessing to call you each a friend. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 

With that, I end. 

May peace, blessings and mercy proceed your every step. 

-Jackie
 

Peace.

Peace:
1. Freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.
2. Freedom from the cessation of war or violence.
>Used as a greeting.
>Used as an order to remain silent.

It's December and this means Christmas time is upon me, and while I greatly celebrate the season (and the fact that I get to celebrate with family for the first in a long time!)... "Peace" as a focused Christian theme is often saved until this time of year. "Peace on earth and goodwill towards men!" I mean, yeah, DUH, Jesus is the Prince Of Peace and all. But there's so much more to peace. Outside of Christmas, we ask for a "Peace that surpasses understanding" when someone is going through a confusing, rough, difficult or straight up crappy circumstance or "season" as we like to say. Peace is much more than a lack of war or violence, it's more than silence and tranquility, it's more than the hippie theme and it's more than a directive order.

Peace is so much more. This is me, talking about myself here, but - We do our Prince of Peace an injustice simply by remaining complacent in our simplistic and uninterested understanding of the peace He so greatly rules over. I have underestimated the power of Peace and in doing so, I've underestimated my Lord.

So, going back to that phrase we pray, "Peace that surpasses understanding!" Such an eloquent, beautiful, all encapsulating, blanket statement to pray in a hard moment. I get it, I use it ALL. THE. TIME. But not until recently did I understand what that really means in practical terms.

If you've known me for long, or read my posts and followed my travels and life events - you are well aware that my life seems to lack a certain essence of peace. My life has, over the past 2-3 years, shown a steady level of unrest and consistent disturbance. Traveling from place to place, experiencing painful loss, witnessing some of the most agonizing moments, reaching my hands into heart wrenching situations - but all the while seeing ridiculous movements of Jesus, the truest of victories and liberation, seeing the best.

This trend has followed me to my life in Michigan.

I got a job within 3 days of arriving, which is a CRAZY blessing! I LOVE where I work. Not many can say that, I know. I thought, "surely, I'll be doing well enough to pay my debt within two or three months!" I've gotten to see my friends and family who I've been separated from for far too long. I've gotten to attend not only my beloved home church, but many other in my city who are working for the greater good of the Kingdom. It seemed picturesque. Now my hours are being reduced at work. Every time I sit down to write something to one of the many friends who has supported me over my time with YWAM, my mind get's foggy and I get inexplicably frustrated, walking away with nothing accomplished. With car troubles draining my paychecks, gas being guzzled as I run around trying to figure things out, being unable to produce clear communication with those I need to communicate with and various other negative inputs... It's become a war. A Daily war to figure out what the heck is making this so hard and then trying to combat it with whatever weapons I can muster.

Then: peace.

I was walking to my car on Sunday, just a normal day in the hood. My hands were particularly cold and I was clenching them, trying to ignore the cold. For some reason I was frustrated with life. Nothing particular had happened, but the feeling of being overwhelmed hit me and I was almost in tears. When, I felt heat in my right hand. It felt as if someone was holding it. I felt the lord say, so clearly, "Jackie, stop fighting for what is already won! You're life is in my charge, not yours. The battle is mine. Stop taking up arms and walk forth in peace. You are worth that peace. You are worth the fight. You're just worth it. Despite everything, you are worthy." It's been a long time since I have felt God so present and heard Him so clearly. I had to slow down for a moment to continue the conversation. And we talked. It wasn't long, it wasn't extensive. But that moment with Him was inexplicable. Just that moment of locking eyes with my Prince, my Lord, has left my heart in peaceful shambles.

Now, this is where that phrase comes in. Physically, nothing has changed. My hours are still cut. So far, I'm still losing to frustration in writing to my supporters... everything around me is still just as unsettled. But in that conversation with Jesus, He poured a deep well of still, calm waters within me. Now, this sounds like it'd be the best thing ever, RIGHT?! Well, only kind of. haha

Me, being me... I analyze. I analyze people and their habits, their nervous ticks. I study reactions and facial expressions, accents, tones of voice, I tend to notice what makes a person's eyes sparkle and among many of my social circles I've become quite the frequent arm chair psychiatrist.

So I began to analyze this peace. It makes absolutely no sense. Nothing in life, apart from Jesus, says that I should have peace. That I should be calm. WHY?! Why does this emotion, this... deep rooted sense of almost... immortality to current circumstances exist within me. It makes no sense and even under any of the many "microscopes of analysis" I tend to use, there is no rhyme or reason. It just is. That. Drives. Me. Batty. It's a sense of crazed need for understanding. But, don't worry this peace surpasses that understanding. In fact, this peace rented a Lamborghini and sped by understanding on the freeway screaming "SEE YA LATER SUCKER!"

What do you do with this? What, I ask?

Well, you have your moments of human-ness and analysis. You try to figure it out the best you can.
Then you just sit down, shut up and enjoy the darn ride.

Peace isn't just the lack of violence or war. It's not just tranquility. It's not just when the kids finally fall asleep in their beds and you can finally crack that book you've been waiting to finish. It's not just when everyone actually get's along for more than an hour at the family Christmas celebrations. It's not just something we should talk about around Christmas. It's not just a passing theme, not something we should just glance at once in a while in wonder. It's much, much more than that.

It's being rooted. It's recognizing that your sense of control is all a ruse and God really is wanting to connect with you on that deep, true, physical and spiritual level. Peace is God's funny little creative experiment that you can only understand when you're hands on.

So, let me remind myself for a moment, again.

Stop glancing at peace in the corner of your eye. Stop choosing to recognize it politely as a stranger on the street and run as fast as you can for a huge sloppy splash into that refreshing and familiar spring. Ask for it. Seek it. Yearn for that peace. While it may drive you mad. It will drive you closer and it will keep your true sanity in tact. Don't be afraid of what you don't understand. Let down your walls of so called strength and control - Then let peace cross into your camp. And just let it be.

Life in Michigan

Hello Friends,

Well, it's official. I'm in Michigan. I've been here for 3 weeks! WHAT?! THREE WHOLE WEEKS?! Life here in Michigan has been a little bit of a crazy whirlpool of everything, in a weird, weird way.

 I interviewed and had a job at a local coffee shop within 3 days of getting back to Lansing, which was a huge symbol to me that God has set this time aside for His favor and blessing on me. I'm doing something I love, making  coffee, I get to talk to people and I'm getting paid for it! YES!

I have been praying for God's will and His plan for my support raising.
Oh support raising, what a love/hate relationship we have.

I think the hardest thing for me with raising support right now, is seeing how I've failed so many wonderful people in my life! Over the past 2 years I have had people who have stood by me in prayer and in finances. All the while, I have been absolutely horrible at communicating with those people. Those who have supported me deserve and endless world of updates and thank yous! However, I have been too distracted and allowed myself to get too busy while I was in Las Vegas. If you've supported me in prayer or financially and you are reading this - I'm sorry, I messed up! I am trying to heal what I have broken. I am trying to make lists and write personal letters to each of my supporters and I hope to meet with them one on one to express to them my deepest apologies and thanks. I cannot express what my life would have been like without these fantastic people.

Moving back to Michigan has been... different. Who knew that there would be a period of culture shock with moving from fabulous Las Vegas to Lansing, Michigan. I walked into Meijer, a local grocery store, the first week I was home and I almost cried. It was just so HUGE! Everything was different from what I remembered, I didn't recognize anything and though I laugh at myself for this now, in the moment - I was devastated. Life here is much more calm and relaxed. There's less to do and it's so dark! I'm used to living with a ton of people, being up late at night and going out to look at the lights when I'm bored. Not. Anymore.

I am excited to see what God may do with the rest of my time here. I get to be home for thanksgiving and Christmas, which is the first time in over 2 years! I get to see my whole family, with a decorated tree in the corner and I get to laugh with them, get stressed out by them and enjoy all of what comes with shoving a huge family into a cute little double wide trailer. :)

God is doing something big. I don't know what exactly. But he is.

My heart is full of joy, hope and anticipation at what the Lord may do.

There is the conjumbled life of me right now. More to come later, I'm sure.

Jackie 

Joy.

joy

joi

noun

1. 1.

   a feeling of great pleasure and happiness

Y'all joy is my middle name. But sometimes I go through seasons of completely forgetting what it means, how it feels and how it changes my day to day outlook and living. 

Since I have taken a step back from ministry, in April, in order to focus on my financial situation - I have been in a downward spiral, slowly but steadily loosing sight of my joy, loosing sight of my hope and loosing sight of my dreams and visions. Debt is a crazy, overwhelming cloud that just sinks over you and darkens even the brightest things around you... if you let it. Which, I have let it. I have let my hatred of debt and the fact that I owe money I don't have weigh me down like cinder blocks being tied to my extremities in the ocean. Not to be overly dramatic, but at times, that's just how much it hit me and stole my joy. 

HOWEVER... and this is a really good however. 

Jesus is good and he has restored to me more than what the enemy could ever steal. 

About a month ago I started a process of having to make some serious life decisions. 

Would I come back to Join YWAM Las Vegas in January? 

If I did, would I want to pioneer a trafficking ministry?

If I did how would I pay of my debt between now and then?

How would I raise regular support? 

If I don't re-join YWAM, what will I do? 

Where will I go? 

It was an absolute turning point for me. 

When I was asked to make my decisions, I was an emotional wreck. A Mess, is a light way to put it. I felt tied to my debt and my lack of joy - feeling as though I can choose nothing while this cloud hovered over me. 

Luckily, I was able to spend a few days at my pastor's house-sitting while they were out of town. That was an absolute retreat for me. To step back, rest, re-focus and try to remember the dreams that were placed in my heart for Las Vegas, for YWAM Las Vegas and for anti-trafficking ministry. And when you ask the father for bread, does he give you a stone? Nope. I asked for the floodgates to be opened in my mind and for the blockage that was hindering my ability to see clearly to be broken. That is exactly what He did for me. 

I was able to decide, clearly, that I am moving to Michigan for 10 weeks in order to work and support raise so that in January of 2015 I will be able to return to YWAM Las Vegas to help pioneer a steady trafficking ministry. 

This decision was confirmed to me about 5 times in the following 5 days. Speakers for YWAM's training school were taking time with me just to talk, and pour into me... and even give me prayer-homework. 

Guys. It's crazy. My joy has been restored. Doors are opening, dreams keep pouring in as if I have a bottomless bucket to store them in, plans and excitement overwhelm me with hapiness. Opportunities are on my horizons, dreams are coming to fruition. I have stood up and fought for my joy and I have allowed God to fight for me even more than I can fight for myself... And now I have this constant, underlying joy. Like I have had the cinder blocks untied and as if I'm floating safely on a retreat center's shore line. 

Do things still suck sometimes? Do they still hurt? Do things still get messy? Hell yes. 

But my joy is untouched. It's pretty great Y'all. Joy is restored, dreams begin to flow and hope becomes the never dying silver lining on the clouds above. 

How else can I say it? I'm excited for life and for what God wants to do with the next... oh let's say 80 years of my life? Yeah, that sounds about right. :) 

Sorry for the long, long post. But it's the update. 

Learning Love: A jumbled post of stuff.

Love. 

It's a basic subject in conversation in the lives of most Christians. "Love your neighbors", "Love as Christ loves", "How he LOVES us!". Then we, ever so affectionately, role our eyes at each individual who pipes up with the notion that we should love ourselves. "Let's not become infatuated with pride now." 

I don't know. Maybe this is just me. Maybe I'm the only one who, until recently, believed with my whole being that to love and accept myself for who I am, to be proud of my gifts and my character and to have self respect enough beyond what protects my moral compass would just be sinful. I've always been the one to give a long eye-roll to anyone who rudely or lovingly pointed out that I didn't accept myself enough or that I was worth anything. 

But, I've begun to realize that thinking so LITTLE of yourself is absolutely NO BETTER than thinking too MUCH of yourself. With pride, generally, one thinks they are too good for lowly tasks or medial things. When I think too little of myself, I cut the community around me off, not allowing them to help me when needed. I cut people off from pouring into me or encouraging me, because I don't believe I'm worth their time. I don't do bold things, because, who cares if I fade away into the background. I question my call, because, why would God call me to do something of meaning, something big, when I'm just so messed up?!

Well, all this to say... I've been learning. 

Thanks to people in my life, situations that have forced me out of my lowly comfort zone and a whole lot of Jesus... I am learning that I am worthy of love. There is never reason for me to settle. It's okay for me to have a good, steady job to pay the bills. It's okay for me to have a good car, and spend money on it when it needs fixes. It's okay for me to be comfortable in my own skin. 

I've realized, ever since I've stepped back from ministry for this season, that I have utilized missions as a mask. I have selfishly used missions to solidify my worth. If I am in missions, if I am in ministry, if I am constantly working for the kingdom, making sacrifices, living in a rough neighborhood, enduring the pain of losing family members while I am abroad, then, only THEN I am someone worth while, right?! 

I was so, so wrong. I've spent allot of time studying the orphaned heart vs. the heart of Son-ship. Yet, I never addressed my own lack of self worth. So I stuck myself in a viscous cycle. Oh gosh. I don't know how to best verbalize everything flying through my head right now. 

I'm learning to just be who I am, without regrets. Without self-judgement. I have dreads, because i like them. I dyed my hair red, because I liked it. I pierced my lip because, why not?! I'm stretching my ears, who cares? I never really have fit into a mold anywhoo, I just used to care what people thought about it more. I had just perfected the art of appearing confident. This is not to say that I am okay with complacency. Because I'm not. I will constantly seek to better myself through the molding hands of Christ. I will constantly seek to be more like Him, because God knows I have a long way to go before I'm a complete creation. But, this doesn't mean that I have to belittle myself in my own mind along the way. 

I have messy, frizzy hair. I have freckles all over my shoulders. I have big hands. I have big feet. I'm overweight. I laugh too loud. I get angry when people don't give me a chance to explain myself. I swear too much. I yell at other cars while I'm driving. I'm not the best at keeping a proper budget. I dislike peanut butter, allot. I don't fit the missionary "look" that people expect. I don't drink enough water. I sometimes have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when I should. I am ever fearful of failure. I am terrified of stages, even though I trained for them. I get angry when people make ignorant comments about India and Nepal, or anyone from those areas. I allow my heart for Justice to become a bit more than just "indignant". 

But I also: I'm willing to sacrifice allot to help others, I love more and more openly, I think allot of people are funny, I can be very encouraging, I accept all sorts of people into my chosen family, I'm willing to do radical things for obedience, I love traveling, I love having stability, I have awesome friends, I can sing well,... I have a good life. 

But you know what? I'm a work in progress. Still worthy of love. I have faults, I have things I don't like. But I'm learning to love myself. And that's an okay thing. It's not the end of the world. It's not sinful. It's not wrong, or arrogant to realize that maybe, just maybe... I'm worth more than I thought I was. 

So, all of these jumbled thoughts to say... I'm learning love. Which is oddly enough helping me learn to love others more, as well. 

I guess it's kind of an important thing, eh? 

Jackie

My Heart: Only a sliver of why I love Las Vegas.

Las Vegas, Nevada.
Or "Sin City" as you may know it.
Either way, I love it.

    Las Vegas has been my home for a little over the past year. It was only two weeks into my training school that my heart first bonded with this city, when the Lord showed me that I should come back. But, my love for this city didn't start in 2012. It started in 2005, when I was around 14. It was shortly after I had dedicated my life to the Lord. Shortly after I had truly been able to look into the eyes of my Daddy, my Lover, my Healer, my Jesus. I had all of these issues that I was fighting to get through, health, spiritual, habitual, mental - all sorts of downfalls and struggles. But it was as if I had just truly seen Jesus for myself, for the first time - so I was zealous. I was seeking solutions and falling in love with Jesus. One night, similar to this night, I was sitting in my bed in the wee hours of the morning. I was listening to music and writing all about my woes, when I felt the Lord breathe ideas into my mind. Ideas of a city I would once live and work in. Not just any city, there was criteria. Sex trafficking, underage run-aways, alcoholism, gambling, orphans and forgotten ones are all just a few of the things that would be large parts of the city I was headed for. My mind was narrow for years, convinced it was New York or Chicago, maybe even Savannah. I tucked this moment with the Lord, this revelation, away and packed it tightly in the back of my mind to save for myself... and honestly, forget.

      But when I came to Vegas for my DTS in August of 2012, something automatically fit for me. It didn't take long for me to start asking my staff questions about what it was like to live here, to be on staff with YWAM Las Vegas, or even to start thinking about moving here. In fact, it was 2 weeks into my DTS when I started thinking about moving back, it was 2 weeks into my DTS that I remembered that night with Jesus and saw Las Vegas absolutely crawling with each criteria that I knew I was looking for.

Fast forward to the beginning of March of this year. I was helping staff for a Mission Adventures team from Ashland University. We were up on a plateau we lovingly call Sunrise Mountain. We often bring groups to this location for worship and intercession, because you can almost see every light in the valley. The strip, downtown, the surrounding suburbs - you can see it all. While we were worshiping, I was looking at my city. Overwhelmed by what all had happened since November. A crazy outreach that drained me, attaining debt to my ministry and the biggest curve ball, my 12 year old brother hanging himself, going into a coma and eventually passing away, while I was stuck in Nepal, surrounded by his language and faces that looked just like his. I began to sob standing on that mountain, thinking to myself

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I have removed myself from all I know. I've said goodbye to my family and put what I thought was Jesus first... and then love that I was hardly even used to yet gets ripped out of my family's life. Obviously, I've taken the wrong track!"

In that moment I felt the Lord with me SO strongly. I felt urged to step closer to the edge to get a clearer view of my home, so I did. Then the Lord breathed life back into me. He said

"Jackie, you've abandoned tradition to follow me - that's exactly what I asked of you! I know you think you should go home, but look at this city! Do you see it?! It's full of sons and daughters who are unable to sit still. Children who are unable to stay in one place long. They don't feel welcomed in my home. They're lost within themselves. They can feel love, but they can't attach themselves to it. They're wandering. You know who else was like that? Your brother. This is a city full of Deepaks and you have what it takes to shine a lamp of hope to them. Share with them your love, your hope, your joy, your light, your heart. Love them, even if they don't stick around forever." 

At this point, I was simply trying to stay composed to the point where our new students didn't suspect me of insanity. But every word the Lord spoke was confirmation of the love and passion I have for this city and confirmation of everything the Lord has said 3,000 times before. This crazy, full of weird, full of orphans looking for a home, up all night, full of bad decisions, full of churches, full of Jesus, full of fellowship, full of hope, full of grace city- It's been tattooed onto my heart just as vibrantly as India has been for 17 years.

Often when I say "I LOVE Las Vegas" to someone who isn't from around here, I get a quizzical look.
But how can I deny love to a city with so much destiny over it? A city so full of dreamers? A city so full of strangers who are just like Deepak, who I long to love as my own kin. It's a beautiful thing really. It's something I wouldn't trade for the world.

That my friends, is why I'm called here. Why I stay here. Why I choose here. Well, at least that's a sliver of why I call this crazy valley home.

#MyHairDon'tCare

Long time no see friends. 

Let's just get something out in the open - I have newly acquired dreadlocks. 

I know that not everyone will like them. Not everyone will think I made a good decision.  

So, let's get down to WHY I chose dreadlocks. 

I have loved how dreadlocks have looked for ages. I've always wanted them, but never thought I'd look good with them and I fell subject to believing the lies of how they're dirty and no one will accept me. 

Over the past month or so, Jesus has started talking to me about caring too much about other's opinions. 

Far too often I am controlled by other's opinions about what I do, who I am and how I look. If you were unaware of this aspect of my thought process, don't feel left out. I've become a pro at portraying confidence and a certain attitude of "I don't give a crap what you think about me!" I've trained myself not to let people know I care, because I trained myself that sensitivity and having feelings were both negative character traits. 

I'm good at being the first one to break the box, be weird, act awkwardly, speak out, laugh loudly and getting other people to be "proud of their weird" as I tend to think. I hate seeing people bound by what is "cool" when there is so much unique creativity and personality they have to let loose. All the while, I sit there and think about how my loud laugh bothers people, How my stories are annoying,  How I didn't dress appropriately for the outing, etc. I've watched myself care far too much about what people think of me. I'm done.

After years of straightening, I finally decided over the past 3 years to let my hair go naturally curly again. People loved it. My nice curly hair became the one thing I could count on making me pleasant and acceptable to people. My permanent acceptance letter to any social occasion or group of people. Pathetic, Right? 

Well, Jesus started talking to me about my hair. He said "Does it really matter?" No, of course it doesn't REALLY matter, in the Kingdom perspective of life. "Do you really think you'll be turned away?" A little bit. 

"Jackie, Get dreadlocks. I want to see you not care about any opinion but mine!" But that's terrifying. 

"You use that word too much." ... "You like dreads, you should get them. Who cares what they'll say!" 

So, I made the plan, I watched endless hours of tutorials, maintenance and care videos. I made one of my roommates watch a bunch too. So I set the date. 

This past Monday and Tuesday night we worked on them for hours! They're frizzy and new, but I love them already. I'm excited for the adventure that is before me. 

And just to be trendy. #dreadhairdontcare 

Yep. 

Post Coming Soon!

New Post Coming soon!

I'm so sorry that I haven't updated since my return from India and Nepal! Look for an updated in the next two weeks!!

Fundraising...

fundraising

1. (fundraise) fund-raise: raise money for a cause or project; "We are fundraising for AIDS research"

Hello Friends, 

It's come that time of year again where I get to raise funds to head off to India again! 

If you read my last post, you read all about how God is calling me to go back to India and Nepal for 2 months with the DTS. The 4 students we have, all female, and I will be heading off in mid-November to go see that part of the world and share Jesus with them! 

We'll be spending time in Mumbai, Agra and LuckNow while in India and then Kathmandu and some surrounding villages in Nepal. We'll be focusing on loving people to Christ through relationships and anti-human trafficking work. We're partnering with several different ministries as we travel, which will ideally help us get more hands on in the anti-trafficking arena. Since we are still in planning stages, some things are still up in the air or without complete detail for me to share. But, providing I get the funds I will be able to continue sewing into my heart and vision for India and Nepal as well as continue combating human trafficking through whatever alleys we can use. I am personally SO excited that I get to go with these awesome students! It's seriously an honor and a blessing. 

Last year, in India, I was able to connect with a 16 year old girl. This girl loves Jesus but due to an alcoholic and abusive father - she was never able to go to Christian church, only Hindu temple. Her dad was using her for profit and her mom shed tears for the crap hole of a life she had to give her daughter. While in hell, this woman of God had strong joy! I was able to continue to encourage her in her faith, promise hope through Jesus Christ and hold her in times of tears. I firmly believe that God put me in India for such a time as that. To wipe her tears, to comfort her and to be the tangible hands of Jesus loving her despite her circumstances. There were moments where I was mocked by people in the village, but this girl was much more important. 

It's stories like that, that make me excited to return to India and extend my travels to Nepal. A fire burns deep in my bones for Nepal and India. I so desire to carry the torch of Joy, Hope, Peace and Love. To touch the untouchables, to get down in the dirt and look straight into the eyes of evil and declare the truth of Jesus Christ and all He has done, is doing and will continue to do! 

Basically, I'm a little in love with India. The culture. The food. The music. The clothes. The colors. The people. THE PEOPLE. The opportunities. The language. The smells. The horrid smells. The scenery. And more. 

So, what I'm asking is for you to invest in me and my calling by supporting me financially. While my normal monthly support will go towards my travel expenses while I am abroad, I still have more I need to raise. 

I have around $2,000 that I need in order to go. So, anything that you are able to give is a HUGE help and blessing! If you are unable to contribute financially, please consider partnering with me in prayer for the wonderful students and myself as we travel and spread hope! 

I hope that you would take a moment and pray and ask God about sewing into my calling of touching the untouchables through India with hope and the Gospel, through prayer and financial gifts! For more information about how to donate or get on an e-mail list for prayer updates you can message me on FB or e-mail me @ jackiejoypoole@gmail.com 

Thank you so much for reading my blog and being interested in my life, 

blessings,

Jackie 

What I thought Jonah taught me...

Sun-day school 

nounL Sunday school, Plural noun: Sunday Schools

1. a class held on Sunday's to teach children about their religion. 

2. a group gathering of children to be educated by the more spiritually advanced. 

3. Indoctrination.

4. a time for hear the same story over and over again, so that billy can really soak up the lesson about honoring his parents, because he's been a real brat lately! 

**Okay, okay ... So, I may have edited the definition... but only a little!**

Hello Friends, 

So, Jonah. This self centered, disobedient, son of a gun. As children in Sunday school, we're practically taught to despise him and all he stands dor. HE runs away from Gods clear word. He spends 3 says in a fish, whale, monster... whatever. FINALLY, he goes to Nineveh but he still throws a fit because God doesn't pour His rage on the city. So, Jonah crawls out of the city and continues throwing his massive, self pitying- FIT!

Basic stuff, right?! 

Well, I always took from this lesson "If you disobey God, drastic things will happen!" I always assumed that if I was ignoring the call of God that some huge, depressing, frightening thing would happen. Yes, yes... I know about God's father heart. But I guess I just had the rooted doubt of : What if I chose to willingly walk away from His call and His fatherhood?? Wouldn't I wither and die? Wouldn't I be unable to worship with clear conscience, wouldn't I be running from wild beasts? Obviously, I would be in line for punishment. This is obviously the message of Jonah! Well, that's what I heard as a kid... and what I was content to believe throughout most of my life. 

The thing is... part way through this summer I was asked to go on outreach with our current Discipleship Training School. My immediate answer was "NO WAY!" I wanted to come home for Christmas, I wanted to see my sister Joanna (who I haven't seen for almost 2 years due to our missionary lives). Plus, for some reason I "FELT" like I wasn't supposed to leave the country in 2013. When I said no, I seriously thought I was following God's will. I mean, however creative God can be... he is also logical. Right?! And, it's only logical that I get to see my friend, go home for Christmas and pretend to live a normal life for at least a small portion of time... that's just the average American dream, isn't it?!

Turns out, after 5 times of saying "NO!" to India and Nepal (the countries my heart longs for!) I was wrong. After I started saying no, a really crappy attitude started creeping in. It slowly made each day worse than the one before. Not just clumsy, things broke kind of bad... but honestly questioning all of life BAD. But it was gradual. I was convinced that it was a combination of outside stresses that was making my life so difficult. Oh how easy it would have been for it to be something else's fault!I felt a constant nagging in my spirit, but I didn't know what for... honestly, I'm not sure I was willing to ask what it was all about.  After the summer I came home (to Michigan!) for vacation and I felt a complete escape from this nagging! I was with friends who loved me, family who loved me, people who missed me...  the nagging seemed to be gone - normal life! As each day passed I dreaded returning to Las Vegas. Even though the nagging had just been covered up by exciting and relaxing times at home, I didn't want to return to the wordless nagging that was to come with returning. I didn't want to face people. I didn't want to go back to those bad, bad days. I was wanted to run away from it all... even though I completely honor the commitment I have made to YWAM Las Vegas far to much to break it!

The same day I returned from vacation, Cathy sat me down and told me they'd be asking me about outreach one. last. time. She told me some things about the students and how she loved them, she told me about a few decisions they had made about outreach... and something strange was happening as I listened - my soul was stirred. My heart was aching for India and Nepal again. I was desperately confused. WHAT DID THIS MEAN?!

I wrestled with God the whole night. I barely slept, I just laid in bed with a few tears flooding my eyes. Why was I moved by the thought of going on outreach? WHY WAS I CONSIDERING IT?! The next evening I went to church with one of me co-workers, it was just a simple worship service. As we started singing, as I started to put my heart into a place of gratitude and openness to God - I was immediately WRECKED. Absolutely, with out a doubt --WRECKED --. Jesus was speaking to me, SO CLEARLY. He asked me why I was mad. He asked my why I said no. He asked me why I thought he was telling me to stay when His word so clearly says GO!

So, I told Him. I told Him I was angry because I wanted to go home. Because I wanted to see my family. Because I wanted to experience Christmas with my family again, He reminded me that I spent the entire summer encouraging summer staff and students alike to take on real, authentic discipleship and make the sacrifice to follow and I wasn't acting like I was willing. "Jackie, aren't you willing to give this up for me? Aren't you willing to tell your family in India about me? Jackie - I created you for this." The questions clouded my head as I sobbed. Yes, I sobbed.

I told Him all about how I didn't feel equipped, supported, ready or released to go on outreach with the DTS. He told me that it all was going to be perfectly alright. Its not my strength, but His. I was feeling a little too vulnerable - So, since I was feeling really vulnerable with God I felt the need to distract myself (which is a normal practice for me when being overly vulnerable). So, I looked at my phone... my mom had called. I stepped outside and called her back and essentially she told me that I was being stupid for not going. That part of being a missionary is saying goodbye to my father, my mother and turn my back on any other lover and press on. She told me I was RELEASED from any sort of pressure from her, dad or anyone else to come home for Christmas. She told me she blessed me. She encouraged me. She told me to go and retrieve my lost sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers and children across the world. Again... the sobbing came into play. {Side note: I swear, before DTS I was NOT a cryer!!} 

After that Sunday night, I knew what I had to do. I had to Go. I had to waste my life on Jesus because that is truly never a waste. I felt like Jonah, I felt like I had run away from God's call. But what I realized as I thought through Jonah's life is that no matter how big of a fit I throw, no matter how much I toy with the idea of not obeying... His mercy is new every morning. I thought I would be consumed by beasts, but I was consumed by His love and grace! I thought I would be shamed and snickered at, but I am supported and encouraged. My bad, bad days - got better. I can see colors more vibrantly, I hear His voice more clearly - the nagging is gone.

So, November - January I'm hopping on a plane with  beautiful women after Jesus and we're going to set the captives free, to do justice, love mercy, walk humbly and serve Jesus however we can throughout northern India and Nepal!

God has a funny way of always loving me. 

Sometimes, I'm still not sure I'm worth it. But my Daddy always lifts my head to look at His face and speaks truth to me through the lies I've allowed to speak. He is always full of grace. Always loving. He's always given me a second chance when I'm being stubborn and not listening to Him. 

Being a daughter of the true King is a wonderful, wonderful thing!

Blessings, 

- Jackie 

Housekeeping...

Hello Friends,

     I hate cleaning. For those of you who have known me over the years, you can agree with that statement. It's not that I'm unwilling, most of the time. I'm generally willing to help clean up messes, especially outside of my own home. But, when it gets to working at home or cleaning my room... forget it! Let's not even get into organization skills... I always have the desire, but never the motivation or know how.

     When I came on staff here in Vegas, I became head of our housekeeping and hospitality department. Talk about a shocker. My first month or so on staff here I felt nothing but inadequate for the job at hand. Who was I to be in charge of cleaning a base that, over the summer, would host over 60 people at a time?! Who was I that even though I've always struggled with any sort of organization or motivation to clean my own spaces was left to make sure that this building was well kept and stewarded well? I remember sitting at my desk almost daily, with my head in my hands thinking "Daddy, I don't know how to do these things! How do I even start?! Jesus, give me grace!!"

     It was a stressful time, to say the least. But what I forgot is that God not only qualifies us for what we're doing when we serve Him through our adopted authority, but he gives us what we need to accomplish the practical tasks before us. Since I've started working on the hospitality and housekeeping I've created a calendar for all of our guests that stay on base (students, teams, guests, speakers, etc.), I've recently organized the janitors closet so is more functional, i'm getting deep cleaning projects done and the most miraculous part of it all? I'm enjoying it. If you're my friend on facebook you've probably seen that I've even made a video of celebration after organizing the closet. It's something that I enjoy now.

    Will I enjoy it forever? Probably not. But I'm confident that while I'm here, serving in this way, I will be given the grace to enjoy how I serve Jesus. I will be able to live in Joy that even things like mopping floors and scrubbing upholstery is a blessing to the ministry here in Las Vegas. I can move forward knowing that while my solutions and organization may not be perfect, I'm doing my best to improve anything I can.

     I think I used to question that God gave situation specific grace to people. But, now I'm truly proof. He didn't just give me mercy in this situation. He's not jut giving me enough to barely scrape by, but he's giving me above and beyond what is necessary to complete my tasks. I'm not just able to do what I must, I'm happy about it. And while I have my down days, where I don't feel like even thinking about a mop, overall I can say that Jesus is good and He has made me qualified for this position.

     When I first started this position, heck when I first moved here in general, I felt so unsure and so "unsafe" you could say. Not in a physical manner, but there was a certain security I was lacking. But i'm learning that I can find my safe place in Him.

     Yep, there's my wordy mess for now.
      I hope whoever reads this is encouraged that whatever seemingly tedious task is before you can be achieved with joy and authority. Just ask Jesus for His grace to abound in you through that job! You'd be surprised how little things can excite you after that. :)

Blessings and courage be sent to you,
Jackie Poole 

Fully Adopted.

[Adopted]
1. Legally take another's child and bring it up as one's own.
2. Take up or start to use or follow (an idea, method, or course of action)

     Since I've moved to Las Vegas, the Lord has been after my heart hard core. During my Discipleship Training School, I thought that I had gained an understanding of the difference between having an orphaned heart and having an adopted one. Turns out, those 5 months were just the tip of the iceberg of things God had to show me about this.

     Turns out, I've lived most of my life as an orphan. Now, don't get me wrong - my parents have always loved me and supported me in the best of times and the worst of times. But I allowed the devil to speak identity into me and I allowed him to to declare my worth. Worst part? I believed him. I used to believe that what other's thought of me was important and worth worrying about. I had a fear of man that controlled me. I believed that I not only could I disappoint God, but I did so frequently. I felt that just by being myself that I was more of a liability for God's kingdom than an asset, let alone a royal. These, among others, were the lies I held so tightly to. The lies that I said my morals and self worth were based on. 

     It's now been a year since I began my DTS and God has been drilling into me this entire time about how I am not only in His kingdom, but an adopted princess, a chosen royal, an authority in this world. I've been researching online, reading books and receiving council on what being an adopted royal means. And I'd love to say that it's an easy transition from a beggar in the courtyard to a princess in the palace. But the honest truth is that it's been a constant struggle.

     Sometimes I still think that God is disappointed in my performance because other people are.  Sometimes I still think that if I don't constantly serve Him and if I ever say "No" that I'm letting Him down and not doing my job. I still find myself insignificant. I still struggle with thinking that my skills and talents aren't worth half a penny or anybody's time. The truth is that God is always proudly cheering me on, proud of who I am and what I do, He says it's okay to say "No", because rest is important. God declares me significant, talented, skilled and qualified to serve Him in the positions I've been put in, no matter how comfortable that leaves me. 

     All this to say, I'm still learning. Daily I find myself enamored with who God is and just how deep His love and adoption is for me. There is nothing he keeps from me as an adopted child, no privileges that I don't get. He puts it all on the table. He gives it all. He accepts it all. 

     For some this may be the most basic of ideas. But to me, it takes allot to sink in. It's still not fully absorbed. I constantly question things, but I constantly hear the Lord say "I am your daddy and I keep no good thing from you!" and "I am your daddy, find comfort in my love." I think so much of my life I've focused on Jesus as my lover, but now I'm starting to see Him as a Daddy too. A poppa that never fails, that never forgets, that is always there, that never expects a performance. A daddy whose arms I can crawl into and sing with for hours.

     Perhaps this blog post is pointless to most, but to me... it's everything. I've just been so enraptured by how deep it all is. God is so good, so Holy, so worthy. He is SO WORTHY of it all. I am amazed by how truly good and worthy He is. I could ramble about it for days. I could type about it for months. Guys, I AM FULLY ADOPTED. I'm not a half child of Jesus. I'm a full royal. Drenched in the Father's love. I'm still learning what all that means, but it's a glorious adventure.

     The more I understand all of this, the more I understand why the entire world needs to hear about all of this. The streets of Las Vegas, the streets of Nevada, the streets of this nation, the streets of the world are full of sons and daughters of Christ who could have suffered the lies of the Devil telling them that they're never going to be good enough for God's love. That they're not worthy. 

But they are good enough and they are worthy, thanks to Jesus. 

I want to tell them all about my Daddy and how good He is. 

That is all... for now. 

-Jackie