In preparation for my tentative plans for the future, I am stressing out. There is allot that needs to be done, most of which I cannot do on my own. I am in desperate need of the Lord's providing, overseeing, graceful, just hand in all of this! I'm going a little bit crazy. There are 2 scriptures that have really struck a chord lately.

"Banish emotional stress from your mind and put away pain from your body; for youth and the prime of life are fleeting." - Ecclesiastes 11:10 [sounds like finals week to me]

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." - 2 Corinthians 9:8

God is so good and His mercies never fail!

In other news: My laptop warranty runs out in 2 weeks, so soon I'll be bringing my laptop in for some minor fixes. Geek Squad has screwed me over pretty bad in the past, so I'm going to HOPE that they can handle this business in a timely fashion, if not... there will be pain. SO, depending on how productive or stupid the squad is being I may be out of blogging commission for a while.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read my blog.
Peace and passion,
Jackie

Five Friday Favorites: Drinking Vessel Eddition [A day late...]

1.  My "Keep Calm And Carry On" mug! I've been pretty obsessed with this motto and have been wanting a poster for my room... but I can't right now. A friend bought this for me, and it's perfect.

2.  My work thermos! It says "I'm a Rescuer. City Rescue Mission" It's super good and keeping things hot or cold for long periods of time. It also has the website on it: www.bearescuer.com Check out the website. I love my job and I'm so thankful I get to serve the Lord this way! 

3. I am unafraid to admit that I am really into the mustache trend right now. Which, means I REALLY like these mugs! There are whole sets of them each mug with a different stache. 

4. I would like this size of a cup when I go to Biggby! 

5. This is what I most like to put INTO my mugs and drinking vessels! English tea! Yep, I think I've taught myself how to make a pretty good cuppa! 

That's all for now,

Peace and favor, 

Jackie

Five Friday Favorites

Here are this weeks favorites.

1. My glasses. I had glasses back in the day. But, I had lost them and never tried to get new ones. I finally gave in so that I could read again. I'm pretty much in love with them. I've been wearing them more than necessary, but everything looks so much clearer!

2. My phone. I have a Samsung Moment. I adore it. I bought it around 4 or 5 months ago and it was the first smart phone I've had. It's nice being able to stay connected (and keep track of weight watchers points) while on the go, without lugging around my computer! Today it gave me this reminder without any sort of prompt from me. I think it's an occasional feature from my bible app.

3. Coffee! I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, I'm about to go meet some friends for a coffee date... I like my coffee! If my dad see's this picture, he might get a little mad... I'm using the mug he got just a while ago when my parents went to Tennessee for their anniversary.

4. "Too young to love" by Boy Epic. So, I found this song because he randomly found and followed me on twitter. This song was stuck in my head all day yesterday. Just listen till the chorus. Don't judge, it's pretty darn great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he4ilmGHfWQ

5. This is possibly my favorite show on TV right now. I don't know why, it just is.

Coffee Date: The catch up post

So, last week I failed at blogging. In my defense, allergies hit me like I ran into a wall and then it so kindly turned into a cold. I coughed so much I'm pretty sure I have abs now. Anyways, when I'm sick I am a pathetic human being. I can't make decisions, I'm grumpy, I refuse to take medication and when I finally do take it, the result is allot of stupid things coming out of my mouth. Once, I sang "You're gonna love me" for 20 minutes straight while walking up and down my stairs... My point being, I was in no shape to post something that could be on the interwebs forever. Just not going to happen. However, I do apologize to anyone who reads regularly (HA regular readers, what wishful thinking!).

In other news:
I'm getting very discouraged. I am currently doing weight watchers and a member of a gym... I want to lose weight. Not because I want to be skinny, but because I want to be at my best for the Lord's service. Health is my ultimate goal and I know that includes me losing weight. I generally shy away from this subject on my blog because it may be easy to delete a rude comment and ignore interweb haters, but it's not at all easy to know the potential of the people who surround you "finding out" and then being constantly interested in your goals and achievements in this area. Weight and health is a REALLY hard area for me to just be honest and open about. I'm always terrified that I'll get comments like "Finally, I've been hoping you would shed some pounds for a long time!" or "Yay, you're finally getting skinny." those are not at all uplifting comments. Even as I type I'm thinking of a list of people I hope never ever read this post.

I've been doing weight watchers for 3(?) weeks and so far I've lost around 6lbs total. I'm absolutely devastated. I was expecting more. Not like, "Oh it's been 3 weeks, I'm a size 2 now, right?" But I expected more than 6 stinking pounds! UGH! I feel like I've failed. The first thing that entered my mind was "So, even when i'm trying to lose weight, I'm just gonna be fat? Great... thanks life!" I mean, I am nowhere near giving up. I'm actually planning my trip to the gym tomorrow and what I would like to do while there. So, i'm not done just because i'm discouraged... it's just so hard!

Let's be honest, nobody LIKES getting all sweaty and eating a heaping helping of lettuce all day. If you say differently, I would point out that you like the outcome not the practice. :) When you're schedule consists of school 2 days a week, work 3 days a week, fit bible study, studying, practicing and all of life's little errands in there somewhere... it's just not the most exciting thing to go to the gym! Obviously, I'm not yet at the point where going to the gym is a relaxing time for me. I hope to get there soon. Like tomorrow. haha... so not happening.

All this to say, I would appreciate prayer. I am trying to improve my health and quality of life and when I feel like there are absolutely no results... it's hard to keep going. It's so hard to just say "Okay, I am doing this so I can achieve my dreams. So that I can live a healthier life with less constrictions. So that I can serve God more and better (more better?). So that I can like my clothes. Everything is worth it." I feel like it's not been worth it at all.

I officially feel like I've been open enough for today's post. :P

I'll leave you with this:
"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." - Psalm 143:8 [I want to memorize this and quote it every morning when I wake up. Something worthy of thinking about with my first thoughts.]

Peace and favor,
Jackie

Definite Directions: Motivation

This is late by a day. But here it is.

Lately the Lord has really been laying on my heart the importance of diligence and watching where my priorities are. Aside from my relationship with God being my ultimate priority, I tend to get everything else in the wrong order. I will spend hours watching 19 Kids and Counting or Blimey Cow on youtube, but I'll not spend more than 30 minutes on homework. I'm in the last 4 week stretch of school... and let me tell you, it is SO HARD! Ever since spring break (the first week of March) I have been mentally checked out. I've been so extremely un-motivated to do anything within the school work realm. This is not okay. It's also really hard to find motivation when I'm pretty sure that I won't be returning to school after this semester since I'm planning on going to Vegas with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). Nevertheless, my lack of diligence and hard work is not acceptable.

Thursday was the worst day ever. All of my teachers were in bad moods, I lost my ATM card and couldn't get out of the parking ramp at school and with several other problems hurled at me... the 5 hours of sleep I had wasn't preparation enough for that day. I was in a foul mood and cried through my mom's birthday dinner. Definitely nailed the celebration spirit for that one (if only you knew how large that eye roll was that I just gave myself). This day was not an encouragement on my journey to motivation.

So, over the past week or so I've been trying to go stronger at my homework. I do so much despise homework. I've written 3/4's of my critiques for Vocal Performance, I've done everything I need to for my Psychology project, I've studied and practiced for each class. I think I'm doing pretty well... for now. I hope I'm able to keep my motivation up and running... I still have 8 school days to go.

After school ends I'll still need LOADS of motivation. I have $8,000 to earn/raise by August! GAH! Can you say working 2-3 jobs over the summer?! Yikes. Jesus, you're in control.

So, God is definitely leading me to a place of higher diligence and motivation. I only pray I can learn everything I possibly can!

Peace and favor,
Jackie

Five Friday Favorites

1. Favorite Nails
I love this lavender color! Sally Hansen's "Hard as Nails Xtreme wear" has done me well! This particular color is called "Lacey Lilac" I love wearing it on it's own, or even with a bit of confetti glitter.

2. Favorite Song
"Destructor" by Kenosis [Kenosis is a band at one of Mars Hill Church's locations], It's a little weird to get used to, because it's a song focused on the Lord's justice. Not just a song about "I love him, he loves me." This song is powerful and it comforts me when I see injustice and I am reminded that God is the ultimate and perfect balance of justice and grace! My favorite line from this song: "Sin is a declaration of war! God will have His glory, one way or another!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_fpVMKmeyo&feature=related


3. Favorite Accessory
This black and white floral scarf that I picked up from Pluto's Closet for $5! I've been working it into any outfit I can for a couple weeks now!

4. Favorite Place

I've never even been here, but it is still my current favorite place! If you don't know why, read my last "Coffee Date" post, I explain my plans and excitement! 

5. Favorite quote
"May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in."
There is some contraversy about this quote. Many attribute it so Mother Teresa, however... there are also many who very sternly say that this is a false quote of hers. Not one she actually made. So, I don't really know who to say it is by.

Coffee Date

If we were to go on  a coffee date right now, this is what I would tell you.

I'm getting really excited... and stressed.
For a couple of weeks now I've been praying and praying about taking an opportunity... a big one. I found out that through YWAM (Youth With A Mission) there is a Discipleship Training School in Las Vegas that is specifically focused on the abolition of human trafficking. It's 6 months long, spending 3 months in Vegas and 3 months in either Nepal, India or Thailand. The moment I found it I wanted to go. I mean, is there a more perfect thing for me to do?! NO! So, as is usually the case I got way too excited about the possibility before I prayed about it. I should work on praying first, I mean seriously... I should. But either way, I DID pray about it. I talked to my parents and I got the first part of my application in. My mom encouraged my to "put out the fleece, ask God to answer you." I always feel like me putting the fleece out is proving that I'm doubtful. I just have a hard time doing it, even though I know that it is a perfectly acceptable way for me to communicate with Him. Eventually, I caved and I put out the fleece... so to speak (Though I did almost grab a fleece blanket and put it in the yard... I think that would have been a bit too literal). So far, all signs point to YES. Thus my excitement. I'm working on getting my 3 references, my Dr's papers and consent forms in as soon as I possibly can!

Here is the stressful part. I WOULD LEAVE IN AUGUST! The school starts in exactly 4 months and 4 days. Intense. I have $8,500 to raise. Not all of it is due upon arrival... but I would like to get as much as I can before I leave the state. I'm planning on getting a second job... maybe a third. I'm hoping to do some fundraisers and I am excited for those. Would you all keep me in your prayers?!
Prayer requests:

• That I not go crazy trying to work for most of my funds.
• That I would allow God to move and take control of the situation.
• That I will learn what I need to be effective on the front of rescue and restoration in human trafficking.
• That God will grab the hearts of men, women and children throughout Vegas and whichever country my team will end up going to (Thailand, Nepal or India) and that I can be a part of His movements. 
• For the funds to come in. It's allot of money, but I trust the Lord and your prayers are a comfort.

I'm really excited about this possibility. If you are willing to pray for/with me over this school and the things I have listed - Will you please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail or connect with me on Facebook letting me know that you are joining me in prayer? Thank you. 

Right about now is when I would wish I could get a free refill of coffee and listen to you talk about work. When you were done telling me about how work is going, I'd tell you this. 

Yeah, I'm glad that I finally work somewhere and I feel like I belong there. Working with Christian co-workers and in a ministry where we can provide shelter and food to the homeless. There are some people that I hate to see go, though I love the fact that they have housing. Sometimes I feel like I don't really DO much, not much of a difference is made. But, last weekend (since I only work Fridays - Sundays) when I was working one of the 15 year old girls who was there with 2 siblings and her mother whispered to me "We're moving out! But Shhhh! Don't tell anyone just yet." I smiled and asked her why she was telling me if it were a secret? She said it was because I only worked on the weekends and that they'd be leaving during the week and she wanted me to know. I gave her a hug and told her that I would miss her. She told me "Yeah, it's not going to be the same without you guys. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have a home... but I'm going to miss you." I just smiled and went along with my work... because, let's be honest. I have really awkward responses is those situations and my silence was the safest route.

It was encouraging to me that her and her younger sister would miss me. That means I did something right. They felt loved, they felt accepted. They weren't always the easiest kids to handle, but I loved 'em and I think they understood that. It was a good weekend at work. I'm really hoping that there's not too much drama or too many emergencies this weekend.

Well, it's about time for me to go. I'm sure you have things to do as well.
I need to go practice piano (Not doing so hot with the new key I'm playing in), I need to pick and memorize a song and I should probably do laundry. I hate laundry. Why can't it magically do it's self? ... I'm going to figure some way to put as little effort into doing it. :)

I hope you all have a fantastic day, I'll be posting again on Friday.
May you have peace and favor,
Jackie

Definite Directions

directions - plural of di-rec-tion (noun)

       Noun:  1. A course along which someone or something moves.

                 2. The course that must be taken in order to reach a destination

With "Definite Directions" it is my plan to share weekly where I feel the Lord is directing my focus and passion so that I can share with you the course on which my heart will [hopefully] move closer to Him. 

Lately the Lord has really been pressing freedom. I have been broken hearted for those caught in human trafficking for sometime now. It just never seizes to amaze and infuriate me just how cruel and unfeeling some can be towards another human being. God has been revealing to me scriptures of freedom and showing me how this applies to me and how it applies to my heart for rescue and restoration for these women and children caught in slavery. 

[Galatians 5:1] For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.

To me, this scripture is both a promise of hope and a warning of stewardship. It is for freedom that Christ has saved us, so that we are no longer enslaved to our burdens and wrong doings or the shame that comes with them. Yet, we must be wise stewards over the things we allow in our lives as to not allow ourselves to be yoked again to our burdens and shame. For me this means, as much as I would like to run around the world and show every woman enslaved and every hopeless child that there is a God who reigns without enslavement, I must first be sure that I am overseeing the well-being of my life. In other words: There is allot I want to do and SO much I wish I could say... but first I have to make sure my stories line up and that I'm able to live the freedom I so desperately yearn to share.

Sometimes this is difficult for me. I have the tendency to allow shame from my past of depression, suicidal thoughts and anger dictate how I relate to people. I allow my shame of my past depression to make me feel uncomfortable that anyone ever think I'm upset or sad... I allow my shame to convince me that I am a selfish, hard hearted woman who is a blemish on the skin of a "holier" society. All these statements are untrue. I need to grasp the freedom that Christ came to give and be brutally honest with myself. 

The rough truth is that: It's forgiven. There is no reason for shame when the King of Kings has passed over my wrongs. That's something I can count on.

So there it is, my first Definite Directions. I hope you enjoyed it. 

Please be sure to subscribe or leave a comment below, I'd love to hear your feedback.

May you have peace and favor,

 Jackie