The past 3 weeks!

 So, the past few weeks have been CRAZY! So, here's a past 3 week overview.

Week5
Our special speaker was Morgan Perry, producer of the documentary "Sex & Money". Her subject was Intimacy To Advocacy. It was a great reminder to "love the Lord your God" before you start your advocacy in your calling. When you passionately love the Lord and run after a deeper intimacy with Him, then your compassionate and activist heart will flow out of that vertical relationship. If we're just helping to help, without loving Jesus first... we're harming the cause of the Kingdom. The documentary "Sex & Money" is an educational film about human trafficking in the United States. I don't thin people realize how big the problem is here. We like to innocently believe that it's a problem elsewhere and not terrible here, but it is! The film pulls out the truth about victims, pimps and pornography. There is always so much to learn about this problem here! I found this week so educational and encouraging. It's okay to focus on my relationship with Jesus before I act on my call. If I just act without Jesus being first, I'm doing it wrong. Not many people here encourage that mindset. We live in a country of work, work, work and work some more. I know that I had been pulled into that atmosphere and I had forgotten to keep the first commandment first!

This week's outreach was "Viva La Worship!" We went out to the strip with a battery powered amp, a microphone, an acoustic guitar and our hearts turned towards Jesus.We set up and started worshiping, telling testimonies, telling Jesus' story of redemption for us. People would approach to listen to the music and we'd start conversations. As always, I seem to get the crazy people. I had a guy who was not... filled with Jesus, who was trying to convince me that my conscience is God, therefore my own fleshly decisions are acceptable before the Lord. It was an... interesting view. But for others the night went well. We were able to encourage and pray for people.

Friday night we had friends come to stay with us: The WISE team from YWAM, Denver. WISE stands for school of Worship, Intercession Spiritual warfare and Evangelism. They came to pray for our base and this city and they definitely brought a new life here. They were here Friday - Wednesday and it was an awesome time. We were able to join them for outreaches and they took time to get to know some of us and speak over us. They lead some worship here on base and it was an awesome time of fellowship and growth. I loved it.

Week 6
Pat Caven. Such a wonderful woman! Her subject was Sex & Relationships. She focused allot on group relationships, dealing with confrontation, etc. She did touch on "Romantic Relationships" a little bit... but the main focus was realizing why we believe the things we do and confronting the issue within ourselves, with the Lord or with another believer. I was able to speak with her privately one night and just to soak up her knowledge was just incredibly great! She is such a wise woman of God and I'm excited to keep in contact with her!

This week we didn't do a separate outreach since we were doing it almost every night the WISE team was visiting.

Week 7
Hmmnn... what to say about this last week?! Absolutely my FAVORITE! Our speaker was Kenny Peavy and his subject was Spiritual Warfare. We spent allot of the week learning about how the kingdom of hell fights for us and how the Kingdom of heaven defends us. Learning about lies and beliefs that we've taken up as our own that are truly  just lies of the enemy spoken over us. We spent time lifting it up to the Lord, breaking lies and becoming new, without those lies and fears. I was truly set free of the fear of man. Kenny spent allot of time with me the first day, asking questions, speaking into my life, etc. It was so evident that the Holy Spirit was moving this past week. It's so wonderful. Then we spent time lifting each other up. Taking time to tell each individual what you love about them, then asking what the Lord has to say about them. It was really bonding for our team and I feel like we're living a better unity than we were talking about before this week. I learned allot about the warfare that goes on for my mind. I learned allot about how take thoughts captive. SO GOOD! I have been so hungry for this type of material for SO LONG and it is so freeing to no longer be held by lies, fear and religion. I am a free soul, seeing things like a child see's for the first time. I really enjoyed having Kenny as a speaker and I'm excited to get to see him when we go on our mobile tour in October. :)

Our outreach this week was just worship. We just went to the strip and worshiped, some went out to evangelize, I just stayed and worshiped. I saw the strip in a whole new way and it felt so small, unlike the largeness of it before. It was a great experience.


So, next week we have our Base Director, Richard Thompson teaching on Evangelism. I'm excited for it.

Now is the time I remind you of the importance of giving to Missions. :D
I still have around $1,100 to raise! If you are willing and able, donations are much appreciated. I have teammates who still have much more to raise, so if you'd like information on how to donate for me OR them, just let me know and I'll get you the information.

May God bless you all and rest His Divine favor on your home,
-Jackie

Week 4: Update

Definition:

las ve·gas/läs ˈvāgəs/

A city in southern Nevada; pop. 478,434.

Spanish meaning: The meadows


Hello everyone! How are y'all?  This past week has been fantastic for me! So full of the Lord and His movements in my life and the lives of the people around me. It's fantastic to be witness to all that is going on.

Week 4: Jeff Pratt.
There is so much here to try to explain. He focused on speaking on the father heart of God. Expressing the Father's deep, passionate and longing love for us and the bricks of all sorts we allow to rest between us. It was a very stretching week of dealing with the different problems I had allowed to go unnoticed. It's like I've been soaking my life in a tub of water and tieing little weights to certain problems and parts of my life that I wanted to drown out and forget. Not to "Ignore the problem" but I thought I had it handled. Obviously, the Lord had so much more for me! Against my every fleshly will we were offered a chance to confess to the group the things the Lord was bringing up to us and to lay it before His thrown. Did I say in front of the group?! Jeff took the time to pray for each of us (he has the annointing of evoking tears) and our classmates took time to pray for us as we became desperate for the love and freedom that the Lord has to offer us. Honestly, I feel such a relief in it all. It wasn't just an "Emotional" week, where because of our situation and a good speaker we were all crying and acting like fools. It was the honest and true movement of the Lord in our hearts, cutting strings and releasing us from hidden weights and closed doors. For me, this past week has been a turning point! Not to say I won't struggle or that I won't go through times of captivity (which he also talked about). But just to say I've started the long and laborious process of renewing my mind for the purposes of my Holy God to come and renew!

This weeks ministry night was something we call "2X2's!" We went out to a certain street just a block or so away from the main strip, where allot of "Adult" focused stores, masage parlors and people lurk around. We went in groups of 2 to walk the streets and offer conversation, prayer and encouragement to anyone who would take a moment to listen. It was after the sun had gone down and we were expecting movement. I had a sour attitude all day. I don't know why, I had prayed that the Lord relieve my numbness to the situations around me... but I was just in too fowl of a mood to even wait for His blessings. We walked around and there was almost no one. So, as we walked we prayed for whatever came to mind. Las Vegas was originally a watering hole. A place where weary travelers would stop to rest and be refreshed.  God is longing for this city to not be known as "Sin City" but for His people to flood these streets and bring back the original purpose of Vegas. To refresh the spirit. To bring rest and re-cooperation. No one is going to bring the pendulum swing back to restoration if God's people won't! And best part is, it's not just Las Vegas. God wants to celebrate in every city and country road! He wants His children to feel His passionate longing for their hearts and have a relationship with them.

So, in evaluating this past week, it has been exhausting! Realizing that i had so much pent up that was creating a wall between my Father's passion and myself. I cannot wait to see what the Lord will do next.

It's been almost a month that I've been here! Wow. A month. Just two more months and I'll be in India! Wow. India. Dream so close to being accomplished.

Prayer requests:
1. That the rest of my outreach fee's will be provided ($1,200 to go)
2. That the Lord would continue to minister to my soul through fellow students, staff members, Speakers and His own glorious word.
3. Energy! It's so easy to doze off when you're sitting in a florensant lit conference room for most of the day, I need energy to stay awake and absorb as much information as I can!!
4. Opportunities to pour out into the Locals while we are here in Las Vegas.
5. To find a chuch; we are required to attend a church while here in town, so I would like to find a temporary home.

I hope y'all have a great week and I hope to blog again soon!
-Jackie

So far...

Sorry this has taken so long everyone! There's been allot going on, so it's been difficult to try to get everything together to write a post and actually have time and internet to post it! So, here we go... a week by week run down of what's gone on so far!

Travel here was awesome. There were frustrating moments, like the kids behind me yelling and not having the cell phone number of the person who was picking me up. But the Lord is gracious and I found who I needed to to and got to the base safe and sound. 

The first week was orientation week. I feel like it lasted forever! My team got over the "awkward" I just met you phase really fast. We were all on base by Sunday night and by Monday night or Tuesday morning we were all pretty comfortable. I'm extremely blessed to have a team with whom I can be myself and not feel uncomfortable with. We went over rules and why we have discipleship before we do ministry. The Friday of that week we were able to go out to see the "two sides" of Vegas. We went to the strip and explored through the Belagio, Aria, Cosmopolitan, etc. I loved it. But I'm a city girl. 

Here are some pictures in the city (Photo credits to my friend: Katie Greenfield)

Then we were able to go out into the dessert to go to Lake Mojave and swim/cliff jump. We went down the wrong road and ended up getting stuck, in the middle of nowhere. It was slightly terrifying. 

Yeah. We eventually made it to the lake and life was good with some minor dehydration and lack of water! :) 

Week two we had a speaker, Paul Childers. He spoke on "Hearing the Voice of God" and it was awesome just to start out training focusing on how to hear the Voice of God and how to confirm the things that people speak into you. Ministry is every Thursday night, this week we went out to Fremont (the old strip, where allot of locals hang out) and we offered free prayer to anyone who would listen. 

Week three we had another special Speaker Les Hall. He spoke on missions and world view. There was allot of information thrown at us and allot of stuff to learn. But it was good to see some statistics and such. 

We just got done with week four and I need more time to process. 

So, I'm on my way out.... I'll blog as soon as I can again! 

Coming soon...

Well, Ladies and gentlemen it's been ages and a day since I've updated you on anything going on with what the Lord is doing within and around me right now. SO: Because it's allot to fit into text, and It's fun to mumble around allot... VIDEO updates will be coming. Hopefully by tonight. Today is an off day of classes, so I'm thinking i'll be able to fit it in. Keep an eye out and be sure to watch the video when it's posted. :)
Blessings and Favor,
Jackie

Songs that have grabbed my heart lately and may or may not bring me to tears... every time. 

"How Great Is Our God" World edition from the Passion 2012 conference. This one never fails to create tears. It's a beautiful, musical representation of what our daily living should be. Intertwined with all communities, all races, all cultures for Jesus sake. :)

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You. This is one I've known and loved for a while and every time It gets stuck in my head and I sing along, it continues to be a special moment with Jesus. 

Jesus Culture - Where You Go I Go. This one is self explanatory.

Owl City - In Christ Alone. This is one my favorite hymn and this is definitely an awesome version. The artist was being scrutinized about where he stood in his personal faith. He said nothing, but released this as a new single. I agree. No statement needed, simply see my life and listen to my words. I pray that's enough.

 

There are many, many more. But that will do for now. Oh how I love my Jesus. He is the only one who makes me a valid, useful and worth while human being. Without Him, I am nothing. 

Blessings, 

Jackie

Jesus Sightings...

So, in the process of getting ready for my DTS I have been blessed to see the divine hand of God going before me and working all things together for my good.

During this past month I had a garage sale as a fundraiser. There was a joint garage sale with some friends who are going to South Africa this summer (Check out pathtoafrica), then the weekend after that I had a garage sale "on my own." The location of roung 2 for the garage sale was a friends house from church, she was going to be out of town and her garage was empty. She has been wanting to remodel her house so that her mother could move in with her, but the permit didn't go through in May like she had hoped. The community that Barb lives in has an anual community garage sale. So, Barb gave me the keys to her house and told me to have the garage sale there... she was sure that I'd be able to sell allot of stuff. So, it was a sweet moment to know that her permit hadn't gone through, but she was planning on remodeling (so her garage was stripped bare) and she just so happened to be out of town during the sale... all orchestrated by God so that I could have the opportunity to make a couple hundred bucks towards my mission. Barb is such a blessing, too! She helped organize items, helped set up, the final pack up. She is an extremely helpful woman and it was a blessing that she offered her home and help to me. I saw Jesus in her.

The same weekend as Garage sale #2, I had a Momo party (in place of a spaghetti dinner). Not very many people came, which was dissapointing. BUT it was a blessing that those who came were extremely generous and it was great to see them. I think it was the most humbling experience to have many of the Nepali my mom works with come to help make momo, set up, cook, serve and then stay until all the cleaning was done. Then, not only did they serve me in that way, most took it upon themselves to donate financially as well. I was blown away. The sense of community and giving that these people have towards one they claim as their own is an astounding thing to me. I hope to help raise a generation more like them in that way. I saw Jesus in them.

Then, in general, it was a huge Jesus sighting just to receive any donations.
Over the past several months I have been planning on attending this training and yet no money was coming in. I was saving every last penny I could, but it wasn't meeting the massive goal. I was starting to get doubtful and seeking other opportunities. I knew God wanted me to Go to Vegas (I already had bought the plane ticket, I know that wouldn't have happened with peace if he didn't want me to). But, there was just so much darkness in the financial cloud that was hanging over head. Then, in a matter of 2 weeks, I get $2,500 which, is only around 25% of my total goal. But to go from almost nothing to $2,500!! Incredible. The Lord, is in fact, a sudden God.

I am so extremely excited for this trip! I still have so much to do and so much to get around. Packing, cleaning, more fundraising, spending time with family and friends before I leave. SO MUCH TO DO! It get's really overwhelming at times. It drives me insane and sometimes I just want to cry and give up. But the lord is a reassuring God. He is the ultimate provider. The complete healer and he dries all my tears as long as I trust in Him for my salvation and rest myself underneath His mighty wings. He is a good God, a loving Lord and He shows himself to me abundantly!

-Jackie

Lately...

Well, it's been forever and a day since I've posted. Here's what I've been up to:

1. Working. I work at the local Christian homeless shelter for women and children and it has been stressful. In the summer our numbers go up and with them go the stress levels. It's nice having co-workers who are fellow believers, it keeps things a so much less dramatic. Last weekend I was involved in the decision to ask someone to leave the shelter, they were very upset and disrespectful on their way out. The biggest thing that stuck to me was "It's like your goal is to kick me out!" Later I went to her partner in crime (who was allowed to stay because she was more respectful and peaceable when she was corrected), and I asked her "You don't really think I WANT to kick you out do you?" It was the perfect doorway to a whole new conversation about her walk with the Lord. I was able to give her scripture verses, to encourage her, listen to her story, tell her some of mine and pray with her. Then, last night... I found out that she asked Jesus to be the Lord of her life again. Just to give him control of her problems, her blessings and her life all over again (which, from what I understand she hasn't done since she was 16). Small victory? Yes. But one that my heart relished in. One that made me want to jump for joy at the sliver of hope that was shining in her eyes! There are extremely bad days at work, days I wish I could walk off site and never come back. But then there are moments like that where the Lord reminds me "For such a time as this, you were meant to be here!" It makes everything seem worth it.

2. Stressing out! It's now only 42 days until I fly to Las Vegas for my Discipleship Training School! Funds are coming slowly and it's wigging me out! I am more than sure that the Lord has ordained that I go on this trip, to go and preach his freedom to the captives. But my human logic says "HOW MUCH MONEY?! HOW LITTLE TIME?!" It's hard to overtake my brain with a simple word like TRUST. I've cried, I've talked to Jesus and friends. Over and over again I've been reassured of my purpose. It's just allot to think about. There's also so much packing, cleaning and prep I need to do in this next month+.

3. Fundraisers. Last weekend and this weekend I ran a garage sale (last weekend with some friends, this weekend just for my trip). Allot of people donated allot of GREAT items for me to sell. I am very thankful for those people. Combining both weekends I was able to make around $300 for my trip. Blessing. Today was the last day of the sale and a "momo party!" Momo is a dumpling like food that is extremely popular in Nepal. So, it will be a common eat for me when I am over there. My mom works with allot refugees from Nepal and I was incredibly blessed by them! They helped buy the food, prepare, cook and serve it and also helped clean up at the end! It was incredible! I would not have made it happen without their eager, blessing and able hands to aid me. I am blown away at the power of community that they have, which, America lacks.


I'm so very excited, terrified and not ready for this whole thing to happen! Yet, I know that i will be in time. God doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle and even though I've had my almost breakdowns, His yoke is light and my burdens are few.

Every time I hear a story about trafficking or I speak with someone who just doesn't know much and is just learning... my heart leaps. My heart breaks. I am reminded.

In Nepal, there is a cast (where you are born into your job type, level of wealth, etc.) where the women are assumed to be prostitutes and men pimps. When I first learned this, my heart shattered. Today I learned that there is someone I know who came from this cast, but now lives a redeemed and prosperous life apart from that label she was born into. Hearing this, knowing this... will possibly give me the strength I need to work through blood, sweat and tears to get to India & Nepal. I will fight for these people. I will love these people. If I have anything to say about it, they will not leave this earth not knowing the unconditional, incandescent love of Jesus Christ through me. I pray only I am used.

Often, when I talk to people about trafficking. It's allot of facts, statistics, what I want to do, how I want to get involved, how common it is, how it can start. It's allot of talk. I often sound disconnected. But I promise you, I am not. I push off the fire that stirs in me because, I'm pretty sure people would be scared. I am so entirely drenched in the passion of Jesus Christ and His heart for each and every of the 27+ million enslaved, that I wouldn't be able to communicate very clearly.

For now, that is all.
Praising the name of the Lord and thanking Him for His provision!
Amen and amen,
-Jackie

Coffee Date: Long awaited update

Well, it's been forever since I've blogged. Here's why:

In the beginning of May I was reaching the end of my computer warranty. There were several quirks with the cosmetics and software, so I figured I'd bring it in and get what I could fixed. I completely dread the thought of handing my computer over to geek squad, they've only ever done me wrong. Long story short... they shipped my computer to headquarters, I got it back in awesome condition, then it didn't start that same night, I brought it back in, and now I have it back... yet again. I hope things actually work this time... I can't afford a new computer and I no longer have a warranty. Lord, give me wisdom to keep this laptop safe and meticulously cared for!

In other new, I was accepted to YWAM Las Vegas for the Abolitionist DTS. If you're friends with me one Facebook, then you are more than aware of my acceptance. I am so utterly ecstatic! I feel so reassured by the Lord and so excited to see what more He has in store. I will be able to go to this 6 month Discipleship Training School, which will be half in Las Vegas for a lecture phase and half in India/Nepal ministering and following the trafficking trails for the sake of rescue and restoration.  Here's a video about the training: http://vimeo.com/38177301 I have something like 73 days left until I leave, and I still have over $7,000 to raise! [If you'd like to donate, you can go to http://www.ywamlasvegas.org/donate.html use paypal, and in special directions put "For Jackie Poole DTS"]. I'm taking as many extra hours as I can at the Mission and trying to pick up as many babysitting and odd jobs as I can to earn money for this school. It's quite stressful having so much to earn/fund raise.. but I know that the Lord is faithful to complete the work He has started here.

Really, right now... allot of my world is focusing around everything I need to do to get to Vegas. Cleaning, packing and organizing my room, packing to leave, raising all the money, finding airline tickets, trying to spend time with people before I leave. That's not even half of it. Oy vey... so much to do.

God has really just been romancing me with the reality of this calling He has placed in my life. With no sort of leading at all I'll start thinking of how I get to serve in this way and how it blesses me so and I get the type of unyielding butterflies that I've only heard of in love stories. It seems so, far fetched to me that I am doing this... yet it is the reality and the call that God has set before me. <3

I have allot of friends going places soon. Heather (a sweet friend and blogger at http://heatherhallslife.blogspot.com/ ), who is going to Mozambique for the summer. Alex, who is going to work on Mackinac Island for the summer. Joanna and Bethany, who are going to South Africa. Then, before any of them get back... I'll be gone. Sheesh, so much gone-ness.

Sooo... there's my current update!
Anything I missed? No, at least... I don't think so.

Peace and Passion,
-Jackie

In preparation for my tentative plans for the future, I am stressing out. There is allot that needs to be done, most of which I cannot do on my own. I am in desperate need of the Lord's providing, overseeing, graceful, just hand in all of this! I'm going a little bit crazy. There are 2 scriptures that have really struck a chord lately.

"Banish emotional stress from your mind and put away pain from your body; for youth and the prime of life are fleeting." - Ecclesiastes 11:10 [sounds like finals week to me]

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." - 2 Corinthians 9:8

God is so good and His mercies never fail!

In other news: My laptop warranty runs out in 2 weeks, so soon I'll be bringing my laptop in for some minor fixes. Geek Squad has screwed me over pretty bad in the past, so I'm going to HOPE that they can handle this business in a timely fashion, if not... there will be pain. SO, depending on how productive or stupid the squad is being I may be out of blogging commission for a while.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read my blog.
Peace and passion,
Jackie

Five Friday Favorites: Drinking Vessel Eddition [A day late...]

1.  My "Keep Calm And Carry On" mug! I've been pretty obsessed with this motto and have been wanting a poster for my room... but I can't right now. A friend bought this for me, and it's perfect.

2.  My work thermos! It says "I'm a Rescuer. City Rescue Mission" It's super good and keeping things hot or cold for long periods of time. It also has the website on it: www.bearescuer.com Check out the website. I love my job and I'm so thankful I get to serve the Lord this way! 

3. I am unafraid to admit that I am really into the mustache trend right now. Which, means I REALLY like these mugs! There are whole sets of them each mug with a different stache. 

4. I would like this size of a cup when I go to Biggby! 

5. This is what I most like to put INTO my mugs and drinking vessels! English tea! Yep, I think I've taught myself how to make a pretty good cuppa! 

That's all for now,

Peace and favor, 

Jackie

Five Friday Favorites

Here are this weeks favorites.

1. My glasses. I had glasses back in the day. But, I had lost them and never tried to get new ones. I finally gave in so that I could read again. I'm pretty much in love with them. I've been wearing them more than necessary, but everything looks so much clearer!

2. My phone. I have a Samsung Moment. I adore it. I bought it around 4 or 5 months ago and it was the first smart phone I've had. It's nice being able to stay connected (and keep track of weight watchers points) while on the go, without lugging around my computer! Today it gave me this reminder without any sort of prompt from me. I think it's an occasional feature from my bible app.

3. Coffee! I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, I'm about to go meet some friends for a coffee date... I like my coffee! If my dad see's this picture, he might get a little mad... I'm using the mug he got just a while ago when my parents went to Tennessee for their anniversary.

4. "Too young to love" by Boy Epic. So, I found this song because he randomly found and followed me on twitter. This song was stuck in my head all day yesterday. Just listen till the chorus. Don't judge, it's pretty darn great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he4ilmGHfWQ

5. This is possibly my favorite show on TV right now. I don't know why, it just is.

Coffee Date: The catch up post

So, last week I failed at blogging. In my defense, allergies hit me like I ran into a wall and then it so kindly turned into a cold. I coughed so much I'm pretty sure I have abs now. Anyways, when I'm sick I am a pathetic human being. I can't make decisions, I'm grumpy, I refuse to take medication and when I finally do take it, the result is allot of stupid things coming out of my mouth. Once, I sang "You're gonna love me" for 20 minutes straight while walking up and down my stairs... My point being, I was in no shape to post something that could be on the interwebs forever. Just not going to happen. However, I do apologize to anyone who reads regularly (HA regular readers, what wishful thinking!).

In other news:
I'm getting very discouraged. I am currently doing weight watchers and a member of a gym... I want to lose weight. Not because I want to be skinny, but because I want to be at my best for the Lord's service. Health is my ultimate goal and I know that includes me losing weight. I generally shy away from this subject on my blog because it may be easy to delete a rude comment and ignore interweb haters, but it's not at all easy to know the potential of the people who surround you "finding out" and then being constantly interested in your goals and achievements in this area. Weight and health is a REALLY hard area for me to just be honest and open about. I'm always terrified that I'll get comments like "Finally, I've been hoping you would shed some pounds for a long time!" or "Yay, you're finally getting skinny." those are not at all uplifting comments. Even as I type I'm thinking of a list of people I hope never ever read this post.

I've been doing weight watchers for 3(?) weeks and so far I've lost around 6lbs total. I'm absolutely devastated. I was expecting more. Not like, "Oh it's been 3 weeks, I'm a size 2 now, right?" But I expected more than 6 stinking pounds! UGH! I feel like I've failed. The first thing that entered my mind was "So, even when i'm trying to lose weight, I'm just gonna be fat? Great... thanks life!" I mean, I am nowhere near giving up. I'm actually planning my trip to the gym tomorrow and what I would like to do while there. So, i'm not done just because i'm discouraged... it's just so hard!

Let's be honest, nobody LIKES getting all sweaty and eating a heaping helping of lettuce all day. If you say differently, I would point out that you like the outcome not the practice. :) When you're schedule consists of school 2 days a week, work 3 days a week, fit bible study, studying, practicing and all of life's little errands in there somewhere... it's just not the most exciting thing to go to the gym! Obviously, I'm not yet at the point where going to the gym is a relaxing time for me. I hope to get there soon. Like tomorrow. haha... so not happening.

All this to say, I would appreciate prayer. I am trying to improve my health and quality of life and when I feel like there are absolutely no results... it's hard to keep going. It's so hard to just say "Okay, I am doing this so I can achieve my dreams. So that I can live a healthier life with less constrictions. So that I can serve God more and better (more better?). So that I can like my clothes. Everything is worth it." I feel like it's not been worth it at all.

I officially feel like I've been open enough for today's post. :P

I'll leave you with this:
"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." - Psalm 143:8 [I want to memorize this and quote it every morning when I wake up. Something worthy of thinking about with my first thoughts.]

Peace and favor,
Jackie

Definite Directions: Motivation

This is late by a day. But here it is.

Lately the Lord has really been laying on my heart the importance of diligence and watching where my priorities are. Aside from my relationship with God being my ultimate priority, I tend to get everything else in the wrong order. I will spend hours watching 19 Kids and Counting or Blimey Cow on youtube, but I'll not spend more than 30 minutes on homework. I'm in the last 4 week stretch of school... and let me tell you, it is SO HARD! Ever since spring break (the first week of March) I have been mentally checked out. I've been so extremely un-motivated to do anything within the school work realm. This is not okay. It's also really hard to find motivation when I'm pretty sure that I won't be returning to school after this semester since I'm planning on going to Vegas with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). Nevertheless, my lack of diligence and hard work is not acceptable.

Thursday was the worst day ever. All of my teachers were in bad moods, I lost my ATM card and couldn't get out of the parking ramp at school and with several other problems hurled at me... the 5 hours of sleep I had wasn't preparation enough for that day. I was in a foul mood and cried through my mom's birthday dinner. Definitely nailed the celebration spirit for that one (if only you knew how large that eye roll was that I just gave myself). This day was not an encouragement on my journey to motivation.

So, over the past week or so I've been trying to go stronger at my homework. I do so much despise homework. I've written 3/4's of my critiques for Vocal Performance, I've done everything I need to for my Psychology project, I've studied and practiced for each class. I think I'm doing pretty well... for now. I hope I'm able to keep my motivation up and running... I still have 8 school days to go.

After school ends I'll still need LOADS of motivation. I have $8,000 to earn/raise by August! GAH! Can you say working 2-3 jobs over the summer?! Yikes. Jesus, you're in control.

So, God is definitely leading me to a place of higher diligence and motivation. I only pray I can learn everything I possibly can!

Peace and favor,
Jackie

Five Friday Favorites

1. Favorite Nails
I love this lavender color! Sally Hansen's "Hard as Nails Xtreme wear" has done me well! This particular color is called "Lacey Lilac" I love wearing it on it's own, or even with a bit of confetti glitter.

2. Favorite Song
"Destructor" by Kenosis [Kenosis is a band at one of Mars Hill Church's locations], It's a little weird to get used to, because it's a song focused on the Lord's justice. Not just a song about "I love him, he loves me." This song is powerful and it comforts me when I see injustice and I am reminded that God is the ultimate and perfect balance of justice and grace! My favorite line from this song: "Sin is a declaration of war! God will have His glory, one way or another!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_fpVMKmeyo&feature=related


3. Favorite Accessory
This black and white floral scarf that I picked up from Pluto's Closet for $5! I've been working it into any outfit I can for a couple weeks now!

4. Favorite Place

I've never even been here, but it is still my current favorite place! If you don't know why, read my last "Coffee Date" post, I explain my plans and excitement! 

5. Favorite quote
"May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in."
There is some contraversy about this quote. Many attribute it so Mother Teresa, however... there are also many who very sternly say that this is a false quote of hers. Not one she actually made. So, I don't really know who to say it is by.

Coffee Date

If we were to go on  a coffee date right now, this is what I would tell you.

I'm getting really excited... and stressed.
For a couple of weeks now I've been praying and praying about taking an opportunity... a big one. I found out that through YWAM (Youth With A Mission) there is a Discipleship Training School in Las Vegas that is specifically focused on the abolition of human trafficking. It's 6 months long, spending 3 months in Vegas and 3 months in either Nepal, India or Thailand. The moment I found it I wanted to go. I mean, is there a more perfect thing for me to do?! NO! So, as is usually the case I got way too excited about the possibility before I prayed about it. I should work on praying first, I mean seriously... I should. But either way, I DID pray about it. I talked to my parents and I got the first part of my application in. My mom encouraged my to "put out the fleece, ask God to answer you." I always feel like me putting the fleece out is proving that I'm doubtful. I just have a hard time doing it, even though I know that it is a perfectly acceptable way for me to communicate with Him. Eventually, I caved and I put out the fleece... so to speak (Though I did almost grab a fleece blanket and put it in the yard... I think that would have been a bit too literal). So far, all signs point to YES. Thus my excitement. I'm working on getting my 3 references, my Dr's papers and consent forms in as soon as I possibly can!

Here is the stressful part. I WOULD LEAVE IN AUGUST! The school starts in exactly 4 months and 4 days. Intense. I have $8,500 to raise. Not all of it is due upon arrival... but I would like to get as much as I can before I leave the state. I'm planning on getting a second job... maybe a third. I'm hoping to do some fundraisers and I am excited for those. Would you all keep me in your prayers?!
Prayer requests:

• That I not go crazy trying to work for most of my funds.
• That I would allow God to move and take control of the situation.
• That I will learn what I need to be effective on the front of rescue and restoration in human trafficking.
• That God will grab the hearts of men, women and children throughout Vegas and whichever country my team will end up going to (Thailand, Nepal or India) and that I can be a part of His movements. 
• For the funds to come in. It's allot of money, but I trust the Lord and your prayers are a comfort.

I'm really excited about this possibility. If you are willing to pray for/with me over this school and the things I have listed - Will you please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail or connect with me on Facebook letting me know that you are joining me in prayer? Thank you. 

Right about now is when I would wish I could get a free refill of coffee and listen to you talk about work. When you were done telling me about how work is going, I'd tell you this. 

Yeah, I'm glad that I finally work somewhere and I feel like I belong there. Working with Christian co-workers and in a ministry where we can provide shelter and food to the homeless. There are some people that I hate to see go, though I love the fact that they have housing. Sometimes I feel like I don't really DO much, not much of a difference is made. But, last weekend (since I only work Fridays - Sundays) when I was working one of the 15 year old girls who was there with 2 siblings and her mother whispered to me "We're moving out! But Shhhh! Don't tell anyone just yet." I smiled and asked her why she was telling me if it were a secret? She said it was because I only worked on the weekends and that they'd be leaving during the week and she wanted me to know. I gave her a hug and told her that I would miss her. She told me "Yeah, it's not going to be the same without you guys. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have a home... but I'm going to miss you." I just smiled and went along with my work... because, let's be honest. I have really awkward responses is those situations and my silence was the safest route.

It was encouraging to me that her and her younger sister would miss me. That means I did something right. They felt loved, they felt accepted. They weren't always the easiest kids to handle, but I loved 'em and I think they understood that. It was a good weekend at work. I'm really hoping that there's not too much drama or too many emergencies this weekend.

Well, it's about time for me to go. I'm sure you have things to do as well.
I need to go practice piano (Not doing so hot with the new key I'm playing in), I need to pick and memorize a song and I should probably do laundry. I hate laundry. Why can't it magically do it's self? ... I'm going to figure some way to put as little effort into doing it. :)

I hope you all have a fantastic day, I'll be posting again on Friday.
May you have peace and favor,
Jackie

Definite Directions

directions - plural of di-rec-tion (noun)

       Noun:  1. A course along which someone or something moves.

                 2. The course that must be taken in order to reach a destination

With "Definite Directions" it is my plan to share weekly where I feel the Lord is directing my focus and passion so that I can share with you the course on which my heart will [hopefully] move closer to Him. 

Lately the Lord has really been pressing freedom. I have been broken hearted for those caught in human trafficking for sometime now. It just never seizes to amaze and infuriate me just how cruel and unfeeling some can be towards another human being. God has been revealing to me scriptures of freedom and showing me how this applies to me and how it applies to my heart for rescue and restoration for these women and children caught in slavery. 

[Galatians 5:1] For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.

To me, this scripture is both a promise of hope and a warning of stewardship. It is for freedom that Christ has saved us, so that we are no longer enslaved to our burdens and wrong doings or the shame that comes with them. Yet, we must be wise stewards over the things we allow in our lives as to not allow ourselves to be yoked again to our burdens and shame. For me this means, as much as I would like to run around the world and show every woman enslaved and every hopeless child that there is a God who reigns without enslavement, I must first be sure that I am overseeing the well-being of my life. In other words: There is allot I want to do and SO much I wish I could say... but first I have to make sure my stories line up and that I'm able to live the freedom I so desperately yearn to share.

Sometimes this is difficult for me. I have the tendency to allow shame from my past of depression, suicidal thoughts and anger dictate how I relate to people. I allow my shame of my past depression to make me feel uncomfortable that anyone ever think I'm upset or sad... I allow my shame to convince me that I am a selfish, hard hearted woman who is a blemish on the skin of a "holier" society. All these statements are untrue. I need to grasp the freedom that Christ came to give and be brutally honest with myself. 

The rough truth is that: It's forgiven. There is no reason for shame when the King of Kings has passed over my wrongs. That's something I can count on.

So there it is, my first Definite Directions. I hope you enjoyed it. 

Please be sure to subscribe or leave a comment below, I'd love to hear your feedback.

May you have peace and favor,

 Jackie

Travel Log: Monday, March 5th 2012.

Leaving the house for a trip is never as quick or as easy as you may plan. This morning when I woke up (at the ungodly hour of 5:30am) I thought I had everything planned out. I had my clothes set aside and a sticky note of everything I need to make sure I had grabbed before I ran out the door attached to my keys. My parents had already told me not to intentionally wake them, so there was no weird early morning "My baby is traveling alone for the first time" conversations. The task seemed SO simple, apprantly it was all TOO simple. I woke up to my alarm, on time. I quickly got dressed and grabed anything I thought I needed from my room (like my cell charger, my cell phone, laptop, etc.). I went downstairs, gathered everything else that was on my sticky note list and threw it in a bag. Success! I had time to eat breakfast before I hit the road. I get out to my car and of course I forgot something. This is an infallible habbit of mine. My forgetting something until I'm in the drivers seat is more regular than Lindsay Lohan's botox injections! So, I ran into the house to grab the few long lost items that I needed. Fortunately, since it was just me I was packing for, I pulled out only 15 minutes later than I had planned.

For thoseof you who know me well, I am not an "Allone" type of person. I am very much a "I surround myself with people all the time so I don't have to experience silence" type of person. :) Well, I did pretty well for the first few hours. However, around 8:30 I was feeling a tad bit groggy... Since I have no one with me to keep me awake, I pulled over at a "Service Plaza" (Everything in Ohio is called a 'Plaza"...WHAT THE HECK?!) slept for half an hour, woke up with  my sore throat feeling aggitated. I ran inside the mini=mall and bought myself some cough drops and what did I find?! A STARBUCKS! In Lansing, these things are few and far between. I'm fairly confident there is only a single starbucks within a decent drivingdistance from where I live. Though I'm ussually a Biggby girl (for those of you who don't know, that's a local coffee shop), sometimes Starbucks is the only thing that can satisfy the coffee snob within. From there, I hit the road again. I've been driving almost non stop (I did stop for gas). It is now 1pm. I've stopped for lunch (more substantial then granola bars) at a local Denny's.

I've decided that toll workers are angry people, well... at least until I got to Pennsylvania. There is nothing better than a middle aged man "Closing" his booth so he can take a moment to look at your nails! haha He was the best, I wish I could have gotten a picture with him! A good 10+ hours after I left home, I arrived, found parking and made it to my cousins house. Which, is pretty much my dream appartment. haha We searched the web for ideas of things I could do while she was at work during the days and then we ordered in. Chinese, always a good choice. :)

Now I'm just hoping that this cold-ish thing that has ahold of me will let go so I can enjoy my week!

So long for now,
Jackie

The ways He moves.

For a long time I've felt a silence. God had just not provided the leading voice I thought I so desperately needed. I felt rather neglected and so extremely at a loss of purpose. Whenever it came to a decision about my life it would always come down to a a fight between needing to make a deccision and wanting to wait for God's leading. I rather lost hope in hearing from the Lord. It seemed as if it had been SO long! I struggled with a constant depression, a constant weight on my heart. I felt as if someone had filled a blanket with bricks and wraped it around me and I knew that Jesus was the only one able to take it off, but he just wouldn't listen to me long enough to see the blanket. I knew he heard me, but he was just so UN-evident. If I'm being completely honest, I just gave up the hope that God cared enough for me to care about my life. I still was trying to live according to the Holy Spirit's convictions on my life, I was still praying and spending time in the word (though not as much). I just came to expect that these were mundane, boring, meaningless motions I was to go through every day to please God, all the while never even hoping to get something from Him in return. I didn't really care anymore.

Lately, I've been going to a bible study. Every Thursday night I go to a biggby and discuss the word of God with around 6 other girls, who all love Jesus very much. I was able to converse and interpret the word and feel convictions. I wasn't "Godless" only without the leadership or input the Lord provides. As a group we decided to do a 21 day fast. We took a week and prayed about what the Lord would like to have us remove from our lives for a while. It was really hard for me to figure out what I should fast from. Eventually I decided that I could fast from Movies. I spend allot of time just watching movies while studying, talking on the phone, etc. A BIG time waster.

May I just tell you how AWESOME our God is?! Two days after the fast had begun, I lost my phone. I was so beyond frustrated and I was VERY ready to just be mad. I went home, scanned craigslist and found a phone that seemed acceptable. The very next day I was able to purchase a hardly used smart phone for a very affordable price. Then, Monday, only 4 days after the fast had begun God provided me with a car. An extremely affordable car that (God willing) will last me many years. God is revealing himself anew to me. It's not only these events that have given me hope, they are only a piece of the puzzle. Most certainly the Lord has reminded me that I am not forgotten. He is awesome and He is good.

I've had an itch lately, to do something, go somewhere... I don't even know. It's an unbearable itch that I just want to scratch but can't. God has the back scratcher. For now, he's given me some soothing lotion, but I know he's going to wait until I literally cannot take the itch anymore, then he shall scratch it for me. :) I have many tenative plans for this summer. I'm just throwing myself through every open door with the faith that God will slam quite a few of them in my face. I need the contentment and the humility to accept those "no" responses.

On Febuary 9th, I am starting a 40 day juice fast. It will be very difficult, but I feel that the Lord has led me to it and that His strength alone will give me the joy and strength to make it through. I will be attentatively waiting for the Lord's direction. I will pray for the things he lays on my heart, I will spend as much time with him as I can and just soak him up! It's been a long time since I have purposefully focused on my own growth and relationship with God. I'm generally rather focused on everything that's happening outside of myself.

I'm so excited to see where all the Lord is going to change me and where he will lead me. I'm so happy to be a servant of the Most High! It is only He who moves among us whom I can entrust with my life and all it's dysfunctions, misdirections and hopes. Our God leads, directs, loves, cares, bears, takes, gives, makes, ruins and fathers. I'm excited to see what He'll reveal himself to me as next. :)

With high hopes and desperation,
-Jackie

Niftyness

I am so excited. For the past year or so I've been falling more and more in like with skinny jeans (yes, I said Like instead of Love, get over it!). I had a few pair and wanted to more. But any jeans that withstand some normal wear and tear are stinking expensive! I personally am not ready to spend $100 on two pairs of jeans. 

So, a friend turned me on to this blog post ( http://whollykao.com/2011/11/07/diy-skinny-jeans/ ). Wholly Kao is a fantastic crafting site to check out, if that's something you're into... but anyways. I had several pairs of old jeans that still fit well in the waist and hips but just didn't cut muster for me to wear in public (ever, ever again). So, I looked up some video tutorials on the subject, read a couple different blogs and went for it. I am extremely happy with the outcome too! I don't currently have pictures to post, but I'll take some pictures during my next pair I modify. It's such a cheap way to bulk my jeans closet! 

I've been in an extremely crafty mood lately. Crocheting, knitting, modifying jeans, I want to make a pair of sweater boots next. If any of you have any chic, fun crafts you've wanted to try or have done let me know! Comment with a link or description. I'm feeling niftily adventurous! 

Sincerely lacking a sense of creative purpose, 

-Jackie

School, school, school...

So,  if you know me at all you've probably caught on to the fact that school isn't really my best subject. Though I try, and I do mean try, things tend to make it harder for me. I'm learning to cope and looking for possible helps and solutions... but under any circumstances being expected to pay attention for 7 hours a day while struggling with ADD and Dyslexia isn't the easiest thing. Now, this is not me complaining... this is me wishing I had more control over my brain. But I don't. Life moves on.

This semester I REALLY need to pass my classes. I'm taking a vocal performance class, Piano class, Art History and Psychology. Those are subjects I am relatively capable of handling. However, I am aware that I will only pass with the grace of God. It's really hard for me to stay tuned in class and even harder to study at home (there is just no driving motivation).

I've just changed my major from music performance to Sociology. Social work, who knew? Okay, okay. Apparently allot of people knew before me, but that doesn't mean I was ready to come to terms with it until now. Anyhow, i'm learning that in order to receive the best from school, I need to give my best to... GOD. Ha, I caught you. You thought I was going to say "Give my best to my studies!" Nope, that is not what is required. God is the one who DOES have control over my mind, he does have the ability to grant me grace and the ability to remember more than I usually do. So, here's to giving God my best and not hoping, but having faith that I can do this.

In the mean time, I picked up some school supplies. Again, sometimes the "creativity" (if that's what you will kindly call it) in my brain... puzzles me.

 Some graph paper to take notes in my Psychology class,

 ^Music Staff notebook for my experiments in Piano,^

 A sketch book to take notes for Art History,

 Colored pens and markers to take all my notes with,

 A calendar, hoping that i'll actually remember important dates,

 A 1/4 In. headphone jack for Piano,

 and finally, a hair product that will make last minute "Gypsy" mornings a whole lot easier. 

Yeah, that's all for now. 

Have a great evening, 

Sincerely stressing out, 

-Jackie

Thrifted Curiosity: 1

So, after allot of youtube watching and blog reading I have been feeling quite inspired to go thrifting lately. Allot of people act like it's some sort of "hush-hush" subject, just because it's used clothes. I truly am indifferent. They're used, yes. But you wash them, dingbats! I just don't understand this supposed big taboo about the thrifting. It's cheap, it works, get over it.

With many local options (such as Goodwill, Volunteers of America, World Mission Thrift, St. Vincent DePaul and Hidden Treasures) I had quite the selection of places I wanted to go. I had made up my mind to take a bit of money out of my bank and see if I could make some good investments on clothing and accessories. I've heard that thrift shopping is the best way to find affordable vintage items, and THAT I was willing to work for.

Wednesday was my first excursion. I was able to attain 3 good cardigans, a new black jacket and 2 pairs of awesome earrings for under $13 (Rounding off to around $2 per item). Which, I consider to be a pretty good investment, if you ask me.

Today (Saturday) I went again with a friend and was able to find 4 t-shirts, a change purse, a clutch and a (fake) pearl necklace that was the perfect length for me. I'll be sure to post the pictures of the items I got today below. I got all 7 items for exactly $16 today, rounding out to just over $2 per item. Again, I would call that a good deal.

I will say that although goodwill is more expensive, I do like the fact that they have more fitting rooms and that they organize their stuff by size (which... is relative in thrift stores). Though, I like that Volunteers of America picks 2 tag colors weekly and sets a certain percentage discount to each color. Makes finding deals a whole lot more exciting.

So, that's all I have for now. Hopefully as time goes on I'll get some more interesting posts about FANTASTIC finds (that I'm hoping for). Pictures are below.... The one item I bought today that is not shown is just a plain white v-neck t-shirt.

 An awesome grey and white Led Zeppelin Tee - $2.99

"Grateful Dead" Tee - $2.99

 "It's a Spam-Dandy" Tee - $2.99

Metalic silver change purse - $0.59 

 Metallic Gold Clutch/Wallet - $2.00

(fake) Pearl Necklace - $0.99