Finally! I'm back, for good...maybe.

Well, since I discovered the hard way NOT to challenge myself to blog everyday during finals week I had to postpone my mission. However, as of Thursday my classes are done tests are over and Christmas break has begun. Friday was the absolute perfect day to start my winter break with a bang. Lots of fellowship, laughter (until there were tears), sledding, snowball fights, playing knights and maidens like little kids, white elephant and more. God has given me allot.

With that, I'm excited to delve into Acts. Round two of blogging everyday, chapter two of acts.

Acts 2:2

"Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting."

- Nothing super deep to say here, but perhaps this explains why I enjoy sitting outdoors in the middle of windstorms so much?

I challenge you to read Acts 2: 3-13. It's only 10 verses, but very important ones. Allot of people tend to discredit speaking in tongues, much like those in verse 13. Although I could, I will not sit here and give you a lengthy description of what I believe, I will say that as bible believing, Christians redeemed through Christ we are all called to believe this:

2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,"

My thought is this. If you believe that the redemption of Jesus Christ through His sacrifice on the cross is relevant for today's world and our lives, then you must also believe that acts 2 is relevant and useful for us now.

Now, I will make it clear that I do believe in speaking in tongues. It's in the bible, so I should, unless I mean to discredit hell, heaven and salvation too. Your response may be similar to this one, which I have received before - "It seems like everyone is just abusing the idea and in doing so making it irrelevant." Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

I never got the chance to truly respond how I would have liked to that statement. So, I will tell you now... if you even read this.

I see speaking in tongues like any other spiritual gift. If you've taken any sort of spiritual gift "asessment test" (which, if you haven't you should try to get your hands on one!) you are able to see that these gifts are diverse. So, comparing... let's say, Administration (?) to speaking in tongues.

With speaking in tongues, it IS possible for people to abuse it. It would seem very easy to let the idea over come you and "speak in tongues" to feel more spiritual. This is not the true movement of the Holy Spirit. However, when the Holy Spirit does move it is powerful and beautiful. Weather to us it seems as though someone was sampling the wine or just like gibberish, life does not always center on our understanding. So, it can be abused, but also well used.

Administration, there is a good way to use this gift and a way to abuse it. If someone is joining a group and heading into a leadership or "administrative" position it would be easy to get full of ego and misuse power. Being angered and displeased easily, pushing others around and being plain out overly bossy. My guess is, this is NOT how God intended this gift to be used. However, someone could enter the same leadership position and take a humble stance. Asking others what has and hasn't worked to reach the given goal with the group. Making it clear that you in no way believe you are the ultimate authority on everything in the world. There is a way to abuse administration and there is a way to use it well.

Really, you should just read Acts 2 and pray about what God wants to show you through it... I am in no way a scholar or any sort of authority when it comes to biblical texts. I just think that too often we let misled members of the body define what we see as possible and impossible. We put God in a box, we put that box behind bars, and build a church of "religion" on top of that dungeon. God cannot be hidden in a box, he is much to glorious to be contained. Again, I would challenge you to read Acts 2 and have a prayerfully sensitive spirit to what the Lord would have you learn from it.

There is allot of really good stuff in Acts 2...go read it! :)

Jackie

...oops!

Dear blogging world,

No, I did not forget about my blogging commitment. However, I made the mistake of challenging myself right before finals!! These next 9 days are going to be MUCH too hectic for me to write blog posts. I am postponing my challenge until I have finished with all of my final exams and last minute homework. So, I will see you all after the 16th of this month.

Day one, chapter one... already behind.

Well, leave it to me to take an entire 24 hours to forget my intentions. Now do you see why I didn't "pledge" to this?! ha ha Either way, here I am. Over 2 hours past my deadline... how about a big hurrah for better late than never? I will get better at this, I will, really! Have I convinced anyone yet? No? ... that's alright. I haven't entirely convinced myself yet either.

So, now we dig in.

Acts 1:

So, much to be said.

It starts out as a little story about Jesus returning for 40 days and His ascension into heaven.

There is a short bit of conversation that truly makes me happy.

Acts 1:6-8

6 "So, when they met together, they asked him, 'Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?'"

Is this not reminiscent of a child?! Christ at one point told them that the Kingdom would be restored unto Israel... the disciples cannot wait. I almost see a car full of children. Dad accidentally let it slip that the family is driving to Disney Land, all of the sudden sleepy kids in backseat buckles turn into broken records... "ARE WE THERE YET?!"

So, the disciples ask again... are you restoring Israel yet? Maybe, now? Although I'm sure there are things I do not comprehend about this simple verse or things that I do not know that I should be taking into account. However this verse, this small, short and to the point verse makes me feel much less alone in my childlike excitement and impatience with God. He's told me he has a plan and I know what I am called to in life. Sometimes I blow my cover and loose my cool..."God, are we there yet?!"

7 -8 " He said to them: ' It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.'"

So, It doesn't matter how many times I ask God "Are we there yet?"... apparently it's supposed to be a secret. I dislike this. I know I should be a good Christian and say "In God's time not mine!" But guess what. I am human. I want to know. Yes, I will do everything I can to be fulfilled in God's timing but his doesn't mean that I will always go down without a fight. God made me, He of all people should understand the depth of my stubbornness. However, I am thankful to know that when the Holy Spirit pours over me I will receive the power of Christ. Power to witness to all the earth.

So, if I have been moved by the Holy Spirit and posses the Power to witness to all the world there is allot being covered. If I am witnessing to the world as a whole, that means I am not paying attention to generational differences, skin color, nationality, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, cultural customs, language or which version of the bible someone reads. Also, it means that I never say "Well, that's just not my type of ministry!" Because ministries (whatever they may be: Sexual abuse help, in church discipleship, teaching English, youth ministry Etc.) are all just a member of the body filling a need. If I am witnessing to the world, I am witnessing through all ministries. How do I put this in action? I plan to make a change. I am no longer wanting passionate about a ministry. I am just wanting to be passionate about God, and he loves all the ministries, so should I.

You know, I can tell that you are still thinking about the fact that I am not resolving to work on my stubbornness. In response to your possibly negative thoughts: Oh well, life is short and there are more important things for me to change and improve on when it comes to my personality and who I am in Christ. :)

The next thing that caught my eye was the heading for the next section of scripture. Just before verse 12 begins, the header states this: "Matthias chosen to replace Judas"

This strikes me. A member of the Body that was once serving a great life for Christ who strayed from the Holy intention for his life was simply replaced. It reminds me of a message given before flying out from training for my missions trip to Panama several years ago. The speaker was encouraging us, and building us up in our decision to follow God's call. I distinctly remember him saying "God called you to go, but guess what? If you were to tell God 'no!' He could still get the job done without you. If you are going to deny Christ he can find someone who will reply with a ready heart! But he wants YOU to be blessed and involved." This thought has stuck with me.

As a spoiled member of the body I have fallen into the trap of thinking that I, Jackie Poole, am absolutely irreplaceable. Sometimes, I think I even feel like some ministry wouldn't get done without me. Truth is - God can do anything he chooses. Including re-filling previously taken spaces in life. Judas wronged Christ, his position amongst the Disciples was filled by another, who was deemed appropriate for the spot. What am I a part of that is NOT completed :because: of me?... EVERYTHING. I am simply blessed to be used by God, my contribution to ministry is not something God couldn't conjure up on His own, He just wanted me to be apart of something bigger than myself.

With that, I am concluding. I hope that this made some sort of sense. If not... well, I apologize. My thoughts tend to ramble on when it's 3am.

Hoping for growth,

Jackie Poole

Hmmm... Back again, for good?

Dear Blogging World,

I have neglected my desire to blog. This is not okay. I shouldn't talk myself out of doing interesting things, especially not blogging. This is something so simple, so cheap and so easily accessible that I really shouldn't shun away from writing. Even if there are no readers. So, I am beginning to re-fan the desire to write thoughts into the great abyss of online blogging. Where do I begin?!

I know for a fact that If I do not have something to blog about, I will not blog. There isn't all that much going on in my life, so I don't want to bore people with that. I'm sure no one wants to know weather my mother or I made dinner. haha So, I've been thinking today - What is something I am passionate about? What is something I could spend time on and not feel like I've wasted part of my day. Well, there are a few things. Music, although I'm sure no one wants to hear my rants on that. Acting, but there is absolutely nothing going on in that particular area of my life. Strengthening relationships with friends and family... probably not an interesting topic.

I did, however, find one topic that I think we all could use a little more focus on. Scripture.

So, I thought to myself - while I was supposed to be manning the check in table - is this something I could talk about?! I don't want to write "The bible according to Jackie!" ... believe me when I say, we do not all need to be screwed up like I am!

Something did eventually come to mind, it is with great vulnerability and courage that I am going to blog my way through the book of Acts. There is so much wisdom for us, the body of believers, in this book. So much wise instruction to the church as a whole. Which really translates to -- So much that I need to work on and so much that I need to understand about being a member of the body!

Everyday until I'm through the whole book (which, if I keep on track will be 28 days) I will be blogging about whichever chapter in Acts that I will have read. I may cut some chapters in half... those Godly men can be pretty long winded... and I don't just mean those who wrote the scripture. ;)

Let this be my "Pledge"... well, maybe I won't say pledge. That is a pretty concrete decision.... Um, let's say it this way. Let this be my full intention: To write my thoughts, Where I am being convicted, My plans to change and my understanding of the scriptures everyday until I have blogged my way through Acts.

For those of you who may or may not exist as readers,

WARNING: THIS CHICK USES HUMOR!!!!!

I think God has a sense of humor... if you know me, you have probably realized that God can be pretty funny.

With this, I bid thee farewell.

May the Spirit fill us all,

Jackie Poole

*Commence perfect exit song -- HERE -- *

Ode To Nigel - A fish you were!

You swam around your small abode, dancing to skillet with great skill.

You bobbed your head, swished your tail, and even pumped your gill!

...

When the daylight broke and we still slept, you floated there with ease.

You tried to understand your owner's obsession with different kinds of cheese!

...

Writing letters from afar, you let Joanna know,

the different things that happened here while Christ's love she tried to show.

...

The things you did brought joy to us, mostly because you were crazy.

But now we see that really, you were colorful... we were lazy.

...

We tapped your tank and screamed allot, yet somehow you still lived.

It seems you had so many gifts that you just loved to...gived.

...

Your life was full, you wrote so well - but now your time has come. It's been real great to know you man, but now I fear you've gone!

R.I.P. Nigel, you were a good fishy to my friend!

Peace

As I sit here, wishing that things would start picking up a little more for the summer I am realizing that this is peace.

Yes, my mom is in the other room on the phone and I can hear her talking, my dad is sleeping (snoring) on the couch while :listening: to talk radio. And yes, I am sitting in the very same room with my headphones plugged into my laptop listening to my music while I can hear each of those other somewhat noisy happenings over my own activity. You may call this disfunction, I call it peace. Peace does not rest in the amount of noise or family activity. It does not rest on if you feel anxious or if you feel just right.

To me, I have peace right now - in the middle of this train wreck combination of sounds I have peace.

Peace is knowing that you are doing exactly what you were made to do in this very moment.

Some things I know I am made to do are things like: Spend time with and encourage friends, pray, do devotions, be involved with people-based ministries, Singing, Music, laugh, make jokes, and dream... amongst other various things.

I just got home from coffee with a friend, I spent 3 hours with her - and although moments were silent, not a SINGLE minute was waisted. God created me to have healthy relationships that I can nurture and enjoy in fellowship, so that is what I did. God created me to worship him and realize his blessings of peace in my life. So me sitting here blogging about the peace I am seeing that I have, and listening to worship is perfect.

Although this may not be the biggest realization someone could have, it is in fact a wonderful load of my shoulders to know that being at Peace is not everything being perfect and calm, and me knowing exactly what the rest of my life is. I can be at peace, and my heart can take rest in the Lord knowing that I am pursuing my God given talents through music and my every day relationships with the people who have helped make me, me!

I know not what the Lord has for my future, but I trust him with it. I am at Peace with the fact that my life is chaotic and crazy, that people come and go, that some people you will never get rid of and that in the middle of the most confusing moments and periods in my life I can look to God and see that I as long as I am honoring my Lord and being who I am meant to be...I am doing exactly what I need to be doing.

So, when I think about it. I over use and over idealize the word PEACE. But you know what, I still have it - and for that I am very very thankful!

With Love,

Jackie

Oh the sweet sounds of last minute plans!

Well, it's been around a month, I guess it's time for me to write to the great nothingness of public internet again.

My summer is usually quite planned out by now. I used to have all my plans in order for every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the entire summer down packed by now. But this summer I have very few people to plan with. Most of my close girlfriends are simply not around or available. My friends are everywhere but home! One is in South Africa, one in Oklahoma, and one is quite occupied with family happenings and a relationship. Yes, each of them will be available at some point or another... but very small windows of opportunity.

This summer has become one of College prep, reading and last minute plans! I used to not enjoy last minute plans because I felt as if I were always imposing on someone or like I was simply unprepared. However, I currently find last minute plans very agreeable! I am planning a coffee date with a friend for tomorrow afternoon as I am this writing now (at midnight).

In all this calmness I find a need for noise and chaos. I thrive with people around in the middle of absolute chaos. So, it only makes sense that last minute plans are working out well for me right now.

I simply cannot wait until fall comes and I am busy again. College classes, hanging out around HPA rehearsal days :D , and trying to help my mom take care of the house while my dad is on his 2nd tour since 9/11. A busy life seems to me like a more useful life.

People keep on asking me :what I am doing with my summer:.. I fail at having a ready response. After thinking about it... I think I am actually going to start working through the reading list my pastor recommended for me back in September.

Well, I am rambling now. Perhaps next time I should wait until I actually have something of sorts to write about... Hm, what a concept!

I am off, can't wait to see what last minute thrills this weekend will have in store for me!

With Love,

Jackie

Could it be?!

Over the past week I have been visiting family in Kansas, mainly to help with my cousin's open house and to go to his graduation. Our trip was good, I got to see my family and spend time with my cousins. We did the LONG car ride there in one day, and we decided to do the same on the way home. As we were on our way home my mom called dad, not out of the ordinary. He was on his way to work and it all seemed very casual. Until my dad started talking about some sort of something that had my mom giving strange responses. Now, I was NOT eavesdropping - there is no way NOT to listen to a conversation with 4 people in an impala going cross country. I could only hear my mom's end of the conversation, to be honest it sounded grim. I'll admit that I'm a little bit paranoid about these conversations. Ever since the phone call of "Honey, I'm going to Iraq in 5 months and there's nothing that can be done to change it!" Knowing that my father is getting deployed (AGAIN) this fall, it seems that news can only continue to get worse. I get very suspicious of coversations where mom says things like "Wow!...Are you sure?!...they won't change their minds?!...Why?" Well, this time. When my mom got off the phone she looked at me and said "Jackie, are you ready for this?" my heart sunk, my stomach rolled and I replied "Probably not" She continued on with the information anyways. "Jackie, dad was online all last night and he found something out. He can transfer his GI to you!" Now, I know that you all havn't been raised in a military home, so i'll pan out how much information is actually loaded in that sentance. The GI bill is an opportunity for service men to get up to 3 years of free university education, at the college or university of their choice. MY dad is able to transfer those rights, to ME! This means he will be unable to take college courses paid for. But this means for me, depending on the colleges or universities the GI pays for Tuition, room and board, books and sometimes even personal expenses. The GI does NOT make me ineligable for any other scholarships or grants, so anything it may not cover is still possibly covered by scholarships!!! So, to me this means. Throw out the inhabitions of wondering IF i'll ever be able to pay off college debt, or if I should just go to community college. As long as the college excepts the GI bill the army will pay. So if the christian Universities I am looking at accept the GI, I can go there and not have to worry that my parents will be bogged down with a high tuition, or that I will be pinned with student debt for the rest of my life. 3 years of a FREE education! ...after all the rude and hateful remarks i've made, perhaps the Army National Gaurd isn't entirely screwed up. Now, they are still deploying my father....again. And yes they are being absolute retards about it. But they are now seeming to take care of their men and families a little better in the past year or so, and with this - I like 'em even more. Could this be Lord?! I've prayed and prayed about how to find a way to pay for an education, if I should get a college education... and now I can!! I can pursue my passions of communication and Singing in a University setting and do well, without the worry of the rest of my life! Now to figure out everything and all the decisions that go with this!

Such a crazy life! Here is just a glimpse into my next few weeks. TODAY: I am packing, cleaning and getting everything around to go on a trip, AND I have ESL tonight. TOMOROW!: More packing, cleaning, getting my hair fixed in the morning and SLEEPING. THURSDAY: Traveling & arriving in Kansas! FRRIDAY-TUESDAY: Hang out with my family in KS, watch my cousin' graduate, go lap-top shopping, Cousin's graduation reception, and the general trouble that comes with getting me and my cousin's together!!! (PICTURES WILL COME!) NEXT WEDNESDAY: Sleep, Unpack, Going away party for a friend (?), Seein' my bestie and her class tour. NEXT THURSDAY: More unpacking, graduation rehearsals, possible hangin' out with the graduates. NEXT FRIDAY: GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXT SATURDAY: OPEN HOUSES! and it just keeps going!!! I love my crazy everywhere at once, running around trying not to miss a thing life! Ah... so calming to be so hectic!

Wonderful Insanity!

Right now my family is in a mass chaos! My mother and I are getting ready to go on a trip to my cousin's graduation and open house in Kansas next week, We are gathering addresses for, printing and sending out open house invitations, making whatever final plans we can for my open house and graduation, getting the family calendar together for open houses we want to go to, working with ESL, normal church activities, not to mention the every day bustle of life! It is getting really busy and absolutely crazy... which makes it wonderful! It can be stressfull to plan an open house - NO JOKE! :D Packing to leave for a currently unkown amount of time, it is all so incredibly chaotic. I love this! Chaos is not always my friend, but right now I cannot help but to see the blessings in it! In going to Kansas I get to see my cousin's, whom I miss all the time!! In planning a graduation/open house I am getting an opportunity to see people I don't often get too AND I get a milestone of moving on with my God given life! I am excited for this summer! Beach trips, concerts, travels to Kansas, Gradaution, open houses - including my own, and just enjoying the heat and creation the Lord gives... maybe even a tan?! Oh, did I mention my never ending mood of needing to sing in the summer?! lol Something about summer and fall make me want to sing all the time, wich is not abnormal - however I contain myself less in the summer which makes for sometimes frustrated road-trip mates! ;) God, thank you for this life and thank you for blessing me with people whom I love and who love me. Thank you for giving me opportunities to travel, see places and to see people - I love it!

Psalm 119:144 "Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live!" So, lately i've been thinking about how God has called me to follow him. Why do we say that so casually?! It shouldn't be... The Lord God Almighty, wonderful, healer, creator of all has chosen to call upon me to serve and worship Him forever more! Not that we need to use abnormally long sentances to describe the Lord at every mention of Him, however - I think in the way we say things there is direction sent to our actions. If we say things casually, it may become casual. That is not always bad, it is not always good. I don't want it to be casual that God has called me, I think it's pretty darn amazing that he chose such a screwed up human being like me to shine His light through! I have come to find myself saying so often "Not because I can, because i'm called!" See, I CAN do just about anything I want, but that doesn't mean I want to! However, that is not good enough! I am called to do all I can to offer highest praise to the Lord and to serve Him however he asks me to, not just in the ways I get excited about. So... Lord, teach my your laws - they are always right, and I really want to learn to live like you have called me to! Help me remain set-aside and devoted entirely to you and only ever you! Jackie

The Dreams I Dream...

In this last year of high school I have been in much prayer and consideration as to what colleges or majors I wanted to go for. I have changed my mind millions of times. I have finally decided to go for a major I will enjoy and just wait upon the Lord to open the door that is right for me! I thought I had decided on Spring Arbor University, but they have recently removed the major I would have wanted. Vocal Performance. I've been told I have no choice but to major in this and that is no problem with me! :) I have always wanted to sing, since I can remember I have been singing and have wanted to be on a worship team, in a famous band or even in a Broadway show! I know my dreams were big and near impossible, but every time I look back I can't help but think that I ripped myself off somehow. I grew up telling myself that Broadway would never want me and that being in a band would just not work. How does a child both dream and cut themselves down?...I don't know yet, but somehow I pulled it off. Allot of people smile and giggle when they hear what I wanted when I was younger, I can tell they agree that it would have never worked. But recently I've learned something... I am created for music! Okay, now for those of you who know me this may seem like a no brainer - but unfortunately it hasn't been that easy for me. I never really quit singing and I have taken voice lessons for almost 10 years now, but it was all just because I enjoyed it. This last year I joined HPA's (Homeschool Performing Arts) production of Seussical The Musical. My heart absolutely melted at the thought of being in a musical drama. Even if it was just a high school play, I loved it. My part was small, but I embraced it. Throughout the year God taught me so much about myself through Seussical. The show has been over for almost 3 weeks now and I am still processing everything that God had to say. For Seussical, I was in the chorus line for the most part. I was happy with that. I felt very shy and timid at the thought of singing in front of hundreds of people every night. Again, if you know me - that may shock you. I was scared. Plain and simple, I was scared. I was glad that I didn't have to live up to expectations or comparative critique! All my life, through all of my voice lessons I have HATED recitals of any sort and singing in front of others has always been an embarrassment. Now, notice I said I was in the chorus line for the MOST PART. Towards the end of the production I did have a small solo. When the directors told me what they wanted from me... I swear my jaw dropped to the floor. I wanted to run away and hide, maybe even cry. They wanted a strong, loud, powerful, belting solo to come from ...ME?!??! It wasn't possible, it COULDN'T BE POSSIBLE! The AMAZING assistant director Miss. Elizabeth spent some time with me and kinda showed me how to pull it off. So many people helped me and whether they know this or not - they taught me that I can be confident in me! Over the year I practiced and practiced and practiced some more. I was so nervous about singing my solo...even in front of the other cast members. It wasn't until half way through the year that I had to finally put it out on the table, just for the cast members, parents and directors. My stomach was in knot's! I remember praying that God would at least let my throat loosen up, even if I had to sing with a knotted stomach. I was made to stand in front of the group, which killed me. I just wanted to run and hide in back... I could sing from there! :D As I started singing I remember seeing two AMAZING girls in the cast just look at each other and then me, and back and forth with these huge smiles on their faces. After that day people started complimenting me and telling me that I did a great job. One of the mom's who was the assistant producer, well she was pretty much amazing! She tried to come into practice whenever I had to sing my solo and she always told me that I did a great job. Through that situation that I was sure was going to kill me, I learned full confidence in myself and my ability to sing. Now, you may think that I have forgotten that I started this entry talking about college. Well, this really does all fit in together. Before Seuss was over I wanted to major in anything BUT music or voice. I didn't want to have to go through all that pain and insecurity on a regular basis. But NOW, I am okay with saying I CAN SING if you don't agree that's fine... but I know your wrong! ;) I can be myself knowing that belting it is exactly where I belong, and singing is NEVER going to leave my being. I am confident in knowing that I can go to college, major in Vocal Performance and do well! And...even though at one point I cut myself down and ruined my own dreams, let's just say I don't have a problem with them anymore. I may never make it to Broadway or get into a famous band - but that doesn't mean I can't want it! The Lord knows exactly what my abilities are and how much further I can go with His strength in me. My purpose is to bless the name of the Lord and uplift His people! So, the dreams I dream really can come true! I can be confident and I can sing! ** I honestly apologize to anyone who ended up reading this big mushy no point, going everywhere at once blog post. I tend not to post until I have to much to say and I get off topic to often! :D ** Jackie Poole