joy
joi
noun
- 1.a feeling of great pleasure and happiness
Y'all joy is my middle name. But sometimes I go through seasons of completely forgetting what it means, how it feels and how it changes my day to day outlook and living.
Since I have taken a step back from ministry, in April, in order to focus on my financial situation - I have been in a downward spiral, slowly but steadily loosing sight of my joy, loosing sight of my hope and loosing sight of my dreams and visions. Debt is a crazy, overwhelming cloud that just sinks over you and darkens even the brightest things around you... if you let it. Which, I have let it. I have let my hatred of debt and the fact that I owe money I don't have weigh me down like cinder blocks being tied to my extremities in the ocean. Not to be overly dramatic, but at times, that's just how much it hit me and stole my joy.
HOWEVER... and this is a really good however.
Jesus is good and he has restored to me more than what the enemy could ever steal.
About a month ago I started a process of having to make some serious life decisions.
Would I come back to Join YWAM Las Vegas in January?
If I did, would I want to pioneer a trafficking ministry?
If I did how would I pay of my debt between now and then?
How would I raise regular support?
If I don't re-join YWAM, what will I do?
Where will I go?
It was an absolute turning point for me.
When I was asked to make my decisions, I was an emotional wreck. A Mess, is a light way to put it. I felt tied to my debt and my lack of joy - feeling as though I can choose nothing while this cloud hovered over me.
Luckily, I was able to spend a few days at my pastor's house-sitting while they were out of town. That was an absolute retreat for me. To step back, rest, re-focus and try to remember the dreams that were placed in my heart for Las Vegas, for YWAM Las Vegas and for anti-trafficking ministry. And when you ask the father for bread, does he give you a stone? Nope. I asked for the floodgates to be opened in my mind and for the blockage that was hindering my ability to see clearly to be broken. That is exactly what He did for me.
I was able to decide, clearly, that I am moving to Michigan for 10 weeks in order to work and support raise so that in January of 2015 I will be able to return to YWAM Las Vegas to help pioneer a steady trafficking ministry.
This decision was confirmed to me about 5 times in the following 5 days. Speakers for YWAM's training school were taking time with me just to talk, and pour into me... and even give me prayer-homework.
Guys. It's crazy. My joy has been restored. Doors are opening, dreams keep pouring in as if I have a bottomless bucket to store them in, plans and excitement overwhelm me with hapiness. Opportunities are on my horizons, dreams are coming to fruition. I have stood up and fought for my joy and I have allowed God to fight for me even more than I can fight for myself... And now I have this constant, underlying joy. Like I have had the cinder blocks untied and as if I'm floating safely on a retreat center's shore line.
Do things still suck sometimes? Do they still hurt? Do things still get messy? Hell yes.
But my joy is untouched. It's pretty great Y'all. Joy is restored, dreams begin to flow and hope becomes the never dying silver lining on the clouds above.
How else can I say it? I'm excited for life and for what God wants to do with the next... oh let's say 80 years of my life? Yeah, that sounds about right. :)
Sorry for the long, long post. But it's the update.
