Peace

As I sit here, wishing that things would start picking up a little more for the summer I am realizing that this is peace.

Yes, my mom is in the other room on the phone and I can hear her talking, my dad is sleeping (snoring) on the couch while :listening: to talk radio. And yes, I am sitting in the very same room with my headphones plugged into my laptop listening to my music while I can hear each of those other somewhat noisy happenings over my own activity. You may call this disfunction, I call it peace. Peace does not rest in the amount of noise or family activity. It does not rest on if you feel anxious or if you feel just right.

To me, I have peace right now - in the middle of this train wreck combination of sounds I have peace.

Peace is knowing that you are doing exactly what you were made to do in this very moment.

Some things I know I am made to do are things like: Spend time with and encourage friends, pray, do devotions, be involved with people-based ministries, Singing, Music, laugh, make jokes, and dream... amongst other various things.

I just got home from coffee with a friend, I spent 3 hours with her - and although moments were silent, not a SINGLE minute was waisted. God created me to have healthy relationships that I can nurture and enjoy in fellowship, so that is what I did. God created me to worship him and realize his blessings of peace in my life. So me sitting here blogging about the peace I am seeing that I have, and listening to worship is perfect.

Although this may not be the biggest realization someone could have, it is in fact a wonderful load of my shoulders to know that being at Peace is not everything being perfect and calm, and me knowing exactly what the rest of my life is. I can be at peace, and my heart can take rest in the Lord knowing that I am pursuing my God given talents through music and my every day relationships with the people who have helped make me, me!

I know not what the Lord has for my future, but I trust him with it. I am at Peace with the fact that my life is chaotic and crazy, that people come and go, that some people you will never get rid of and that in the middle of the most confusing moments and periods in my life I can look to God and see that I as long as I am honoring my Lord and being who I am meant to be...I am doing exactly what I need to be doing.

So, when I think about it. I over use and over idealize the word PEACE. But you know what, I still have it - and for that I am very very thankful!

With Love,

Jackie

Oh the sweet sounds of last minute plans!

Well, it's been around a month, I guess it's time for me to write to the great nothingness of public internet again.

My summer is usually quite planned out by now. I used to have all my plans in order for every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the entire summer down packed by now. But this summer I have very few people to plan with. Most of my close girlfriends are simply not around or available. My friends are everywhere but home! One is in South Africa, one in Oklahoma, and one is quite occupied with family happenings and a relationship. Yes, each of them will be available at some point or another... but very small windows of opportunity.

This summer has become one of College prep, reading and last minute plans! I used to not enjoy last minute plans because I felt as if I were always imposing on someone or like I was simply unprepared. However, I currently find last minute plans very agreeable! I am planning a coffee date with a friend for tomorrow afternoon as I am this writing now (at midnight).

In all this calmness I find a need for noise and chaos. I thrive with people around in the middle of absolute chaos. So, it only makes sense that last minute plans are working out well for me right now.

I simply cannot wait until fall comes and I am busy again. College classes, hanging out around HPA rehearsal days :D , and trying to help my mom take care of the house while my dad is on his 2nd tour since 9/11. A busy life seems to me like a more useful life.

People keep on asking me :what I am doing with my summer:.. I fail at having a ready response. After thinking about it... I think I am actually going to start working through the reading list my pastor recommended for me back in September.

Well, I am rambling now. Perhaps next time I should wait until I actually have something of sorts to write about... Hm, what a concept!

I am off, can't wait to see what last minute thrills this weekend will have in store for me!

With Love,

Jackie