Could it be?!

Over the past week I have been visiting family in Kansas, mainly to help with my cousin's open house and to go to his graduation. Our trip was good, I got to see my family and spend time with my cousins. We did the LONG car ride there in one day, and we decided to do the same on the way home. As we were on our way home my mom called dad, not out of the ordinary. He was on his way to work and it all seemed very casual. Until my dad started talking about some sort of something that had my mom giving strange responses. Now, I was NOT eavesdropping - there is no way NOT to listen to a conversation with 4 people in an impala going cross country. I could only hear my mom's end of the conversation, to be honest it sounded grim. I'll admit that I'm a little bit paranoid about these conversations. Ever since the phone call of "Honey, I'm going to Iraq in 5 months and there's nothing that can be done to change it!" Knowing that my father is getting deployed (AGAIN) this fall, it seems that news can only continue to get worse. I get very suspicious of coversations where mom says things like "Wow!...Are you sure?!...they won't change their minds?!...Why?" Well, this time. When my mom got off the phone she looked at me and said "Jackie, are you ready for this?" my heart sunk, my stomach rolled and I replied "Probably not" She continued on with the information anyways. "Jackie, dad was online all last night and he found something out. He can transfer his GI to you!" Now, I know that you all havn't been raised in a military home, so i'll pan out how much information is actually loaded in that sentance. The GI bill is an opportunity for service men to get up to 3 years of free university education, at the college or university of their choice. MY dad is able to transfer those rights, to ME! This means he will be unable to take college courses paid for. But this means for me, depending on the colleges or universities the GI pays for Tuition, room and board, books and sometimes even personal expenses. The GI does NOT make me ineligable for any other scholarships or grants, so anything it may not cover is still possibly covered by scholarships!!! So, to me this means. Throw out the inhabitions of wondering IF i'll ever be able to pay off college debt, or if I should just go to community college. As long as the college excepts the GI bill the army will pay. So if the christian Universities I am looking at accept the GI, I can go there and not have to worry that my parents will be bogged down with a high tuition, or that I will be pinned with student debt for the rest of my life. 3 years of a FREE education! ...after all the rude and hateful remarks i've made, perhaps the Army National Gaurd isn't entirely screwed up. Now, they are still deploying my father....again. And yes they are being absolute retards about it. But they are now seeming to take care of their men and families a little better in the past year or so, and with this - I like 'em even more. Could this be Lord?! I've prayed and prayed about how to find a way to pay for an education, if I should get a college education... and now I can!! I can pursue my passions of communication and Singing in a University setting and do well, without the worry of the rest of my life! Now to figure out everything and all the decisions that go with this!

Such a crazy life! Here is just a glimpse into my next few weeks. TODAY: I am packing, cleaning and getting everything around to go on a trip, AND I have ESL tonight. TOMOROW!: More packing, cleaning, getting my hair fixed in the morning and SLEEPING. THURSDAY: Traveling & arriving in Kansas! FRRIDAY-TUESDAY: Hang out with my family in KS, watch my cousin' graduate, go lap-top shopping, Cousin's graduation reception, and the general trouble that comes with getting me and my cousin's together!!! (PICTURES WILL COME!) NEXT WEDNESDAY: Sleep, Unpack, Going away party for a friend (?), Seein' my bestie and her class tour. NEXT THURSDAY: More unpacking, graduation rehearsals, possible hangin' out with the graduates. NEXT FRIDAY: GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXT SATURDAY: OPEN HOUSES! and it just keeps going!!! I love my crazy everywhere at once, running around trying not to miss a thing life! Ah... so calming to be so hectic!

Wonderful Insanity!

Right now my family is in a mass chaos! My mother and I are getting ready to go on a trip to my cousin's graduation and open house in Kansas next week, We are gathering addresses for, printing and sending out open house invitations, making whatever final plans we can for my open house and graduation, getting the family calendar together for open houses we want to go to, working with ESL, normal church activities, not to mention the every day bustle of life! It is getting really busy and absolutely crazy... which makes it wonderful! It can be stressfull to plan an open house - NO JOKE! :D Packing to leave for a currently unkown amount of time, it is all so incredibly chaotic. I love this! Chaos is not always my friend, but right now I cannot help but to see the blessings in it! In going to Kansas I get to see my cousin's, whom I miss all the time!! In planning a graduation/open house I am getting an opportunity to see people I don't often get too AND I get a milestone of moving on with my God given life! I am excited for this summer! Beach trips, concerts, travels to Kansas, Gradaution, open houses - including my own, and just enjoying the heat and creation the Lord gives... maybe even a tan?! Oh, did I mention my never ending mood of needing to sing in the summer?! lol Something about summer and fall make me want to sing all the time, wich is not abnormal - however I contain myself less in the summer which makes for sometimes frustrated road-trip mates! ;) God, thank you for this life and thank you for blessing me with people whom I love and who love me. Thank you for giving me opportunities to travel, see places and to see people - I love it!

Psalm 119:144 "Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live!" So, lately i've been thinking about how God has called me to follow him. Why do we say that so casually?! It shouldn't be... The Lord God Almighty, wonderful, healer, creator of all has chosen to call upon me to serve and worship Him forever more! Not that we need to use abnormally long sentances to describe the Lord at every mention of Him, however - I think in the way we say things there is direction sent to our actions. If we say things casually, it may become casual. That is not always bad, it is not always good. I don't want it to be casual that God has called me, I think it's pretty darn amazing that he chose such a screwed up human being like me to shine His light through! I have come to find myself saying so often "Not because I can, because i'm called!" See, I CAN do just about anything I want, but that doesn't mean I want to! However, that is not good enough! I am called to do all I can to offer highest praise to the Lord and to serve Him however he asks me to, not just in the ways I get excited about. So... Lord, teach my your laws - they are always right, and I really want to learn to live like you have called me to! Help me remain set-aside and devoted entirely to you and only ever you! Jackie